Shhhhh....I thought I heard something...

Searching for traditional ballads and feeling a bit confused. I can't really talk to anyone about it. Wait. Let me rephrase that. I don't WANT to talk to anyone about it. Fact. Because if I do, I'll be more convinced that I'm wrong. Or maybe not. But I'm sick of taking risks. I'm not the only one, but is it a disease? Is it a mental illness? Can I control it? Will it control me in time? I'm losing my personality in these situations, I'm scared, I'm sick of it, I don't want to react to them anymore. Who understands or BELIEVES a woman anyway? We're weak, "crazy", hysterical, complicated. None of us even has the right to call themselves "normal". But what the fuck IS normal? Please, take your head out of your anus and take a look at yourself. You're just a distorted projection of everything you call crazy. I'm not really addressing this to a specific person, but to lots of people... who just make insecure people feel suicidal. No, don't worry, I don't intend to kill myself even though I'm mostly depressed and I don't really see a future for myself. Is this another weird phase again? Have I ever had something like this? Probably all the time. And it was always because of someone. I don't want to fight anymore, but it's risky to completely give up. What will happen to me? I need my friends. I need my family. I hate being a woman, I hate the way I look, maybe I found the cure.....
He's nice and does things for me, you know...and that's what makes everything so hard. I'm the parasite...the fucking leech that won't go away and I'm too ashamed to go see a therapist.

1000 little kittens. And the guy who just came in had a little Yoda toy on his shoulder.

5 days left and I'll be celebrating the 1st year of the longest romantic relationship I have ever had in my life. Cool, huh? I never thought it would happen like this. But then again, it would be sad and boring if everything always happened the way we expected it. I learned a lot this past year. Mostly about myself. This year I took some major steps and in a few days I'll take a new one. We're moving in together. I don't like the idea of "oh, you'll see if it works out" that everyone tries to plant into your head. I am positive about it. It's never easy. No matter who you are. It's a situation in which 2 totally different people are involved. It can never run smoothly for an infinite amount of time. But who says it can't be fun?

Toodles.

2010 blog entry fail -_-

I've been trying to write an entry on 2010 for days now and I don't really think I'll be able to do that... It's a lot harder than last year and 2 years ago. Well, let's just hope I'll post it some time this year. La multi ani!