SLOW

Peaceful. Serene. Calm. Slow!

Now that's not a good thing to be.

I am somehow eager for the cold days to come, even though I'm aware of the fact that I have no proper clothes to keep me warm. Life and death, life and death, all the time. Oh, just make me immortal and stop messing around with my brain when I need to focus on the details of my existence on this fascinating planet.

I need to learn indifference, but I don't have time for that. 50 years are not enough. 50 years, if I'm lucky and sane.

I remember when I was little, I would cry before going to sleep and begging for my life to be taken away from me. I didn't want to accept the fact that I would grow old and die. I still don't want to accept it. I guess I never will. Who knows? We change our opinions all the time. Sometimes we love life and want to see the world and love and laugh and all those cheesy things and sometimes we hate everything and just want to die. Of course, we exaggerate and say things like "Oh, I wish someone would shoot me, stab me, beat me up to death, cut my head off, slaughter me, etc.", but I really think that anyone that suddenly wants to die, would prefer having a peaceful and short death, rather than a slow, painful one.

Ok, these thoughts and remarks are morbid. Nothing good for me there.

I want Edward Cullen to have wild sex with me. WHAT?! NO, ok no. Sorry. Because when I think about it, if that were to happen, I wouldn't last for max. 5 minutes. He would break my bones in a second and I would instantly be dead. No fun in there. So what I would really want would be to have wild sex with a human, that's exactly like Edward Cullen, or a vampire like him, that would agree to make me like him and bla bla bla bla bla bla. I'm a bit embarrassed now. Am I THAT desperate about him?

I was always fascinated by vampires, although I was always afraid of how complicated it would be to be one. But ever since reading those stupid Stephenie Meyer books, I've gone crazy. It's like all of a sudden, all vampires are nice creatures that might want to kill you but it's not that bad, because they have feelings too and they can fall in love with human beings. Well maybe they can, but what are the chances?!?!? Giving a vampire human feelings is very touchy, but not very realistic. We always love what we can't have.

So I'll stop typing and go back to my so-called reality:
"I'm hungry. I think I might eat something. No. I shouldn't. I'll get fat. You've seen those people in InTouch. Ana could be your friend. No. That's silly. Because when you start, you can't quit. I don't want that. Ok, maybe I'll eat something. But not too much. Oh look! I've lost 1kg! Great. That means i won't eat too much today. I have to study. Right, I'm going to my desk now and I'm going to study all day. What's on TV today? Oh, my favorite show! Joy. This will motivate me to study until then. Is there something new on HI5/Facebook/StudiVZ/YouTube/other annoying useless site? No...blah, everything is so boring. I should go look in the mirror. Does my face look thinner? Maybe if I suck my cheeks in a bit. Yeah, that looks good. Oh, look at my belly. Pfff I'm sure with sport it would go away but I'm too lazy. Sod it. I'll just continue eating less. TV is full of "How to lose weight if you're a fat-ass" shows. I hate you all. When is March going to be here? When is the New Moon trailer going to come out? I hate being patient. I should occupy my time with something else. When are my books going to be here? I have to do my Spanish homework. The exam results in French will be out the day after tomorrow. No joy. Will I get that job? What will happen if I do? I think I would like to smoke now. Cigarettes are so expensive. I don't know. Maybe I should drink another coffee. I forgot to take my vitamins today. It's so sunny outside. Maybe I should go out on the balcony and see if everything's alright in there. Maybe not. I have to go buy some food. But what do I want to eat? Except for stupid unhealthy things. Not much. Maybe the new ELLE is interesting. No, it's not. Let's see if there's a magazine here that has an article about Twilight or Robert Pattinson. Here's one about anorexia. That will do. I'm now going to go back home, eat something and then study. Good plan. If I were to be a vampire, would I be beautiful? I wish I would be one. But then it wouldn't be certain that I'll meet someone I'd fall in love with and be with forever and ever! I'd probably be alone all the time and learn to accept the fact that everyone will die. Maybe I'd turn Rodica into a vampire too. That would be comforting. I'd still like to become one. But only when I turn 25. I'd probably be extremely sad not to be able to have children. I'm really hungry now. I should get dressed. Is today saturday? Hmm tomorrow will be Harry Potter 3 on TV. Seen it a hundred times but it's more fun than any other stupid show that will be on at that hour."

Random thoughts, but 100% true.

The change really came about when Edward realized that he was being too controlling and that Bella actually can be trusted somewhat with her own safety (as long as this doesn’t involve cars, motorcycles, cliffs, water, tennis, needles, knives, mace spray, axes, shotguns, the pavement, the woods, climbing trees, airplanes, volleyball or a potted prickly cactus, which only through supernatural means made it from Arizona to Forks without sticking her in the eye).

It didn’t go smoothly. I somehow managed to hit myself in the head with my racket and clip Mike’s shoulder on the same swing. Then, I clunked Michelle on the back of the head, providing a wonderful concussion, which in the same forward motion over-extended my arm, pulling a muscle, which caused me to swing backwards, providing a graceful set of bruises to Marvin. As I jerked forwards again so as to not fall backwards from the motion, I made a circular swing and knocked three other classmates unconscious, the power of this swoosh causing me to backpedal ferociously, knocking wildly into Harry, Jeremy, Megan, Fiona and Paula, knocking them all out cold. Centrifugal force then caused me to go flying again, slamming the end of the racket into George, Jamie, Tyler, Ashley, Christopher, Minnie, Todd, Shamika, Keisha, Zahra, Shonda, Sabrina, Krista, Daronda, Theresa, and Felicia, among others, before I finally landed at the feet of Coach Clapp.

Honest, officer. That’s what happened.”

Jacob:

“You have the whole day off, right? The bloodsucker won’t be home yet.”

I glared at him.

“No offense intended,” he said quickly.

“Eat toads!” I said, spinning on my heels and pushing Jacob into the ocean, where he was attacked by piranhas and crabs.

I loved how casual this sentence was:

Afternoons were the hardest part of my day. Ever since my former best friend (and werewolf), Jacob Black, had informed me about the motorcycle I’d been riding [...]

Alternate version:

Afternoons were the hardest part of my day. Ever since my former best friend (and green singing frog), Kermit, had informed me that my fly-repellant was ruining his chances of decent dinners [...]

Twilight e o carie care imi roade creierul.

Ma simt asa...distrusa de ceva. Habar n-am. Ma exprim intr-un limbaj de om incult.

De ce ma ia somnul de fiecare data cand planuiesc sa scriu ceva aici? Da, prefer sa scriu de mana. Sunt prea batrana. Deja incep sa imi fac griji legate de viitor, de cariera...s-a terminat. Nu o sa mai retraiesc copilaria niciodata. Copilaria, adolescenta, nu stiu. Timpul petrecut alaturi de parinti, cand ei erau preocupati de viata ta.

Timpul potrivit sa te indragostesti pentru prima data. Daca ai ratat momentul, pa. Sigur, te poti indragosti oricand, dar nu o sa mai fie niciodata la fel. Cand esti adult, totul e complicat si trebuie sa ai in vedere consecintele.

Il vreau pe Edward!!! Nu ma mai pot ascunde. Sunt nebuna, asta e. Mai am vreo 40 de pagini si se termina manuscriptul de la Midnight Sun. Ma face sa imi amintesc de fiecare faza din celelalte carti. Nu pot sa scap de ele. NU POT! Sunt inconjurata de povestea asta. E peste tot! Am un gol in piept, sau undeva pe-acolo. Lecitina ingrasa? Intentionez sa slabesc. MULT. Dar nu ma descurc mai deloc. Ahhhh cand o sa incep sa fac ceea ce imi propun?!?! Ce am patit? Ce dracu vrea Daniel ala? Ce fraier. Si cica imi daduse Einladung la nu stiu ce grupa tampita pe StudiVZ. Numele ei suna cam asa tradus "Uneori pierdem si alteori castiga altii." !!!!!!!!! POFTIM!??!? Cum a indraznit sa imi dea Einladung la asa o grupa pt fraieri?! Cum adica alteori castiga altii?! Pfff. Ce loser. Cu mentalitatea asta cred si eu ca s-a carat de la facultate. Sau habar nu am ce face acum. As putea sa il intreb dar nu vreau ca el sa ma intrebe cum o mai duc.

Abia astept sa-mi iau cartile in engleza. Daca nu era tata, nu mi le luam deloc. El a insistat. Ce dragut din partea lui!!! Nu-mi vine sa cred. Mda. Edward...Mi s-a infundat nasul. Frustrant.

Bine, acum trebuie sa citesc mai departe. Dar e atat de romantic deja. Indragosteala din aia brusca. Ce fraieri ieri prin cluburi. Okokokok. PA

xoxo

Spiel

1. Anfangslied/ Titellied – Oomph! - My Soubrette

2. Aufwachszene – Paradise Lost - Desolate

3. Ein gewöhnlicher Tag – Claude Vonstroke + Alex Gaudino feat Crystal Waters – The Whistler + Destination Calabria (Acappella)

4. „Sich Verlieben“-Szene – The Hoosiers – Worried About Ray

5. Das erste Date/ zusammen essen – Babyshambles – Carry Up In The Morning

6. Kampf Szene – Edith Piaf – La Vie en Rose

7. Grausamer Tod – Oi Polloi – Nuclear Waste

8. Nervenzusammenbruch – The Flashbulb – Alice's Garden

9. Ernster Monolog – Carter Burwell – The Lion Fell In Love With the Lamb

10. „Flashback“ / Rückblende Szene - Paradise Lost – No Forgiveness

11. Fahr-Szene – Mika – Happy Ending

12. Party – Shanadoo – Think About

13. Kuss-Szene – Nightwish – Sacrament of Wilderness

14. Eine lange einsame Nacht – POD - Alive

15. Ende-Lied – My Dying Bride – A doomed Lover

Da, deci aici trebuie sa alegi melodii pt un soundtrack, dar nu oricum, ci bagand toate melodiile pe care le ai in computer intr-un program cu ajutorul caruia le poti asculta, dai Shuffle si there you go.

2008

Ianuarie.

Venisem din Romania si eram putin deceptionata, pentru ca stiam ca Alex ma va astepta la aeroport, dar nimic nu va mai fi la fel.
Trebuia sa invat pentru primele examene. Cred ca schimbasem salteaua aia stricata. Stateam mai mult in pat decat oriunde altundeva, deoarece venise Jutta acasa si nu mai puteam sta in bucatarie si intram prea des pe Stickam. Mancam prea mult. Lume stresata pe la facultate.

Februarie, Martie.

Examene. Oribil. Zile ploioase. Fericita ca scapasem, am venit in Bucuresti pentru a ma "relaxa". Am mers la Straja pt 2 saptamani, la ski, cu tata. Fun times si mult stres. Inapoi in Bucuresti, vesti proaste, deceptii, griji. Am mai iesit cu prieteni, dar nu ma puteam distra cu adevarat.
Trebuia sa imi gasesc apartament nou, pentru ca se intorcea Tamara din München.

Aprilie.

M-am intors cu parintii in Germania, ca sa ma ajute la mutat. Cautat cu disperare de apartament, nimic...absolut nimic. D-mna Humboldt mi-a oferit apartamentul de la parter, la fel de mare cat cel in care stateam inainte, numai ca pe acela il imparteam cu inca o persoana. Nu aveam ce sa facem decat sa acceptam. Aceeasi cladire, alt etaj, IKEA, nervi si invatat pentru restante.
Examene, rezultate, viata merge inainte.

Mai.

Nu mai tin minte nimic din Mai. Ah, ba da! Am venit in Romania pentru un concert Anathema. Am stat de Joi pana Duminica sau ceva de genul asta. Frumos. Purtam un maieu galben cu bretele prea lungi. Si, evident, la sfarsit trebuia sa schimb 2, 3 vorbe cu Vincent si inotand prin marea de fane turbate, probabil ca intreaga populatie mi-a observat fara dificultate superbul sutien. Dar nu conta, macar eram mai colorata si mai sexy decat incuiatele alea. =))) De parca asta ar conta.

Iunie.

Deja ma imprietenisem cu Rodica. Nachtresidenz, fun times. Incepeam sa ma mai feminizez, mai slabisem putin. Foarte putin. Statistica. Biblioteca, japonezi, caldura.

Iulie.

Biblioteca. Examene. Vacanta.

August.

Rebeliune. Fericire. Din nou acasa. Vesti proaste, din nou. Escape.
Calin. Mare, ganduri prea multe si inutile. Am povestit cam tot ce am facut la mare in alt blog>>><<<. In primele 4 zile m-am intalnit cu mai multi oameni. Parca toti sperau prea mult. Aiurea. Vremuri ciudate. Comportament de fata iesita dintr-un beci in care a stat 5 ani fara sa vada un barbat. Miscari proaste, irationale, dar mult noroc. M-am intors in Bucuresti, sentimente placute. Pluteam. Cu toate astea, nu m-am putut abtine sa nu ma prostesc. Aiurea. Mihnea. FOARTE ENERVANT. Austriecii, Stefan, Radu :D, Sefu, Flori, Alexandra & Yoob, Octav si prietenul lui cu ochelari ciudati(f increzut tipul, i-as fi dat foc pe loc) si nu mai stiu. "Te iubesc". Bla bla, ziua plecarii.

Septembrie.

Avec mes parents prin Europa. Dor, dar fericire. Budapesta, Praga, Berlin, Dresden, Potsdam & the lovely Düsseldorf. Amsterdam si din nou Düsseldorf. Back home. Biblioteca.

Octombrie.

Biblioteca, Rodica, Claudia, Romanian party (manele & tarani FTW). Calin. Stres. Schimbari PREA MARI. Different worlds. Confuzie. Examene. KK. Party.

Noiembrie.

Nachtresidenz. Sam's. New friends. Alti oameni, alte faze. Twilight movie.

Decembrie.

Craciun! Twilight. Twilight. Twilight. I want my Edward Cullen. Twilight. New Moon. Eclipse. Breaking Dawn. Midnight. Robert Pattinson. Vampiri, mult sange. Cadouri. Party. Sam's. Tobar. Back to Romania. Munte, no snow. Intalnire avec Aloxa & Yoob si alti 3 oameni: Mara, Pisi(nu-i mai stiu numele, dar asa ii zicea Mara hahah) & ? . Mihaela, Stefan. Ziua mea. 20. Nothing very special. Shopping, Hard Rock Cafe, Alex & Yoob. A doua zi, intalnire avec fostii mei colegi. Interesant. Craciun, Doina, Jean, bunica. Ce plasma tare aveau, whoa. Concert Phoenix. F TARE. Club A. Iulia. Andrei. Vlad xD. Cosmin, OH DA, take me =)))) (Edward Cullen wannabe grr hahah). Tocilar. Calin, Razvan, Radu, bla bla bla. Marocan ciudat. Vampire Knight. LOVE IT. Rev la Aloxa. Bal mascat. Morticia.


Overall, weird year. Nu pot trage nicio concluzie.

Love this website!

http://www.picturesforsadchildren.com