In Romania 1

I landed in Romania a few days ago. I met up with some friends and read Twilight.

I've started re-reading New Moon 48 hours ago. Still got half of it to read. So depressing. No matter how often I read the break-up part, I can't keep myself from crying and feeling all left alone in this world. Ha ha, I KNOW, I'm a very sensitive person.

I can't wait to go to the grocery store tomorrow. I love to see if there's anything new on the shelves. Yeah, it's been like 2 months since I've been here but I have the impression it's been longer than that. I will never feel that the time is constant. I guess that's as normal as pooping. Everyone feels it differently. OK, I could have compared it to something else, but I'm trying to be serious here, mmkay?

Every paragraph starts with "I". Not this one!!! I found my old journals. Didn't have to look hard for them. I mean I've always known where they were, but w/e. I was curious to remember what I was thinking/doing while I was 17-18. I remember the way I used to look back then. UGH! When will I find MY personal style?
Yeah. Nothing special in there. 17- Germany, a bit of frustration because of Sergiu, 18- Pro Ana and lots of Germany. Then I left home and winded up in this mess called present.

I really didn't want to know who I kissed at the New Years party. I think I'm starting to feel sick again. Now that I wrote this, well typed it, I realize what it sounds like. When I heard it from my friend, I was like yeah whatever, it happens. We're young and like to get drunk and pass out from time to time. But NOW I see that it looks like desperation. It's like seeing a 30 yr old lady making out with any guy at a party because she hasn't got a boyfriend. EUGH. That isn't really my case, but I just imagine the story like that. That is so sad. I feel OLLLLD and wrinkly. I'm gonna die soon and regret it. Or not. Bla bla. No but really, I'm getting older. I hate it to death.

I want Ray Ban sun glasses. Before they get old fashioned. My dad indirectly told me that I'm a fat ass. How I missed that. At least I'm kinda moving my ass now a bit and trying to put some muscle on my arms and abs.

Had Robert Pattinson's Never Think on repeat for a while now. Let's change it to something more umm dunno. Maybe I should listen to Van Morrison. But not now. Empire of the Sun. BETTER. My hair is messy and I think it stinks from yesterday evening. The pubs here are SO HORRIBLE and they all smell like HELL's ass. Really, now. It's like ppl have been smoking towards those couches and walls without opening one window/door for 30 years. It's scary. And then the next day you smell like death. Ok your body is easier to wash, but your clothes!! That takes time! You have to wait for them to dry and you can't wear them twice if your planning on going out. Hmm. Maybe before going out you should make sure that the clothes you're gonna wear are extremely musty like this is the last time you're gonna wear them cause they're so horribly dirty and smell like bed and dead skin. Who reads this is gonna think I never wash my clothes. Or myself.

I have to wait 5 hours for that movie to download. How come?!?! I was hoping for like 2 hours....I keep having the weirdest dreams ever since I've returned to my home land. I'm dreaming of going to school with various Twilight actors and stuff like that....dreams that generally include the cast of Twilight and some scenes from the books. It's maddening. I'm afraid I might be going mental. But I'm behaving normally. Yes. I am VERY normal. At least I don't talk in my sleep. That would have SUCKED big time.

Yeah OH I remembered I wanted to check someone's blog. I'm suddenly so bored. My eyes hurt. It's been a week since I've spent so much time in front of a computer.

See ya

xoxo

A little update

So! The past few weeks I've been pretty down, mostly because of exam stress and menstruation(ok, it doesn't last for weeks, I know!! But EWWW xD). I've had my exam today(yesterday even) and I'm glad to have all that behind me now. Had a short breakdown today and listened to Anathema for half an hour and then realized that I can't go on like that for too long :D. So I played some Lady Gaga then tried to sleep. That didn't last too long because of my phone ringing so I decided to eat something and occupy my time with other forms of relaxation.

A few days ago I received my Twilight books all the way from the U.S.. They're SOOOOOOO pretty!!! And with hard covers (lovely). I can't wait for Rodica to read Breaking Dawn. She's gonna buy it tomorrow after her exam :D. That's the first thing she'll do immediately after leaving the campus. LOL.

I'm gonna fly to Romania on February 21st. After landing safely, going home, blah blah-ing with my parents and probably munching on some healthy/unhealthy stuff I'm gonna FORCE my parents to accompany me to the movies(Twilight, obv)!!! My dad will be up for it, no doubt. Mom will probably complain a bit at first, saying that she's not in the mood for going out, but just like me, she's a sucker for super romantic chick flicks not necessarily with a twist. After that, GOD knows what I'll do. Probably go skiing for a few days if it's snowy. That should be entertaining.

I observe that I express myself differently when I'm positive and sadness free. This is the OTHER me :). The one you briefly talk to on the street.

For the first time in my life I bought a pack of RED Dunhills. Apparently these are the ORIGINAL ones. Like the first ones that appeared on the market. Of course, the image and design of the pack has changed in time. They have huge packs of these in stores. Amazing. More than 24 cigs = WHOA. I sound like a weird addict. Thank God I'm not talking about drugs or alcohol.

I was planning to buy beer and get wasted by myself after the exam. BAD IDEA. So I didn't do it. That would have been so STUPID.

But what matters to me NOW is tomorrow(today) night! PARTYYYY! With no second thoughts such as "oh god, i gotta get outta here quickly, i have to study, jeese, i've had too much alcohol, my head will hurt tomorrow. i'm wasting my time. omg what's with that guy? blah". JOY! I'll finally YAY Lady Gaga on the radio. LUV. Yeah I'll finally get to have fun FOR REAL. And FINALLY meet that guy, what's his name? WHatever. He's from uni and studies with us but I dunno. I don't hang out with everyone. I should ask that other guy to come with us. Hmmm. He's online right now. Or wait. He was like an hour ago. He's still on but BUSY. Damn. What should I do??? I'm not gonna go into detail, 'cause all that is private atm. :D

Soooooooooo the Spanish teacher sent me a video he made in class. It's with me and Pascal reading some stuff about "our own radio station". GAY. But it's fun for the memories collection box. I'll just throw it in there and accidentally find it after 10 years and think "OMG where was my confidence back then?! Uhh what's with the black clothes?! I look like a weird dead thing. Thank God the light was yellow. I bet I was pale as well. Pff I'm lucky to have this fake Californian tan on me right now. " OK, all except for the last part with the tan.

I'm getting tired. I should continue reading/go to bed.

XOXO

Tristesse

Evident ca nu o sa scriu asta in germana sau engleza. Nu sunt asa disperata sa inteleaga toata lumea ce spun. Pur si simplu simt nevoia sa ma descarc. Da, probabil ca as putea sa fac asta si in privat, dar I'm an internet attention whore sometimes. Nu da din cap, ca si tu esti la fel daca citesti asta!

Am realizat mai devreme ca nu ma mai inteleg cu mama prea bine. Bine, niciodata nu am avut prea multe in comun si ne-am tot certat dar acum parca ma afecteaza mai mult. Stiu ca e greu sa comunici pe net cu anumite persoane. Pur si simplu NU MERGE. Te enervezi mereu. Dar aici e altceva. Mereu e atenta la tot felul de chestii care o intereseaza pe moment si cand e din nou atenta la mine ma intreaba daca m-am trezit de dimineata ca sa invat si daca am invatat si sa invat si bla bla bla. Aceeasi faza mereu. Si ma streseaza foarte tare. Incerc sa o inteleg si sa ma pun in locul ei, dar...ahhh ma-sa. Cred ca trebuie sa fac vreo terapie ceva. Sunt asa nervoasa acum! Mi-e cald.

Deschid geamul, nu mai suport. Acum ar putea intra lilieci in camera sau alte fiinte zburatoare. Sinistru. Daca ar intra, primul lucru de care s-ar izbi ar fi bratul meu stang sau capul meu. Foarte sinistru. Da. Si idiotul ala....CUM ISI PERMITE SA MA ATINGA in general?!?!?! Nu te cunosc destul de bine, NU MA ATINGI, clar? Mai ales daca ai intentia sa imi dai una "amiceste". Du-te-n pizda ma-ti, n-am chef sa iti mutilez fata aia cretina pt ca ma murdaresc pe urma.

Ma scuzati. Sunt cam frustrata, cred. Ma irita treaba cu mama. Cu tata vorbesc in fiecare zi si mereu e interesant. Discutam, e atent la mine. Ma asculta, si il ascult si eu la randul meu. Totul decurge NORMAL. Dar cu mama de nicio culoare. Pfoai cat ma intristeaza chestia asta. Imi vine sa plang. Si nu stiu ce sa fac acum ca mi-am amintit de cursurile alea tampite de Präsentation und Kommunikation. De ce ma-sa au fost puse in martie??? Si de ce pt ca numele meu incepe cu N, trebuie sa vin o data la inceputul lunii, si altadata la sfarsit??? Si ceilalti vin normal, doua zile la rand sau asa. Adica trebuie sa-mi sacrific toata vacanta pt jegul asta?!?!?! Iubesc melodia asta. Human. Mi-e frig si cald. Imi vine sa urlu la monitor :)). Ultima oara cand m-am simtit asa era dupa ce am vorbit cu sclava aia de la Human Resources. Ba nu. Atunci eram complet distrusa si determinata sa ma tai cu primul obiect ascutit care era la indemana. It never gets old. Cred ca as fi in stare sa ma tai non stop. Frate. Nu e bine. Daca indrazneste care sa-mi zica EMO, ii spintec fata. Daca vreti sa ma faceti ceva de genul asta, folositi un cuvant mai clasic, da? Nu cum e cretinitatea aia de "chill" sau mai stiu eu ce cuvant idiot care nici macar nu e CORECT in limba din care provine. Adica sensul care ii e dat in prezent nu e corect.

:(((((((((((((((((( AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

New York o suge bine, sunt sigura. Ma refer la gagica aia idioata de pe MTV care a ajuns vedeata de la emisiunea aia retardata, Flavor of Love nush cat. Ala nu o sa-si gaseasca o femeie niciodata, la cat de borat e. Lasa-te bai, ca nu vrea nimeni sa-ti vada mecla obosita la televizor. Si cu stilul ala vestimentar, poti sa te arunci singur la gunoi.

"Halt die Klappe und blute!". Pffff. Ce panarama. Replica de doi bani. Nici nu vreau sa ma uit la filmul ala. Urasc filmele cu gagici care se dau mari luptatoare. Siiiiiiiiiigur ca o slabatura de 1,60 poate face praf 7 barbati de doua ori cat ea si luptatori profesionisti. Lasa-ti-ma cu vrajelile astea.

Cred ca daca as vedea un vampir acum, i-as da o palma si m-as duce sa ma culc. Nu scriu de ce, sunt prea multe chestii de spus dar acum chiar m-am saturat de ei. Ce e mai departe de Twilight nu imi place. Nu ar fi trebuit sa ma uit si la altceva. Twilight e exact pe gustul meu. Restul ma deprima incredibil de mult. Ce ma-sa e asta? Jackass? Vai, ce idioti. Imi si imaginez ce fete au nemtii care se uita la asa ceva. Toti arata la fel. LOL, Michael Jackson. Cand e un ipse sau el, nu stiu si pune mana pe trunchiul unui copac si pe urma din partea cealalta e unul cu o sabie si vrea sa ii taie mana =))))))))))))))). Aia a fost secventa pe care am vazut-o cand am schimbat canalul. O mana pe un copac si pe urma o sabie din partea cealalta si cum ala isi trage mana. Si pe urma Michael rupandu-si sufletul pe-acolo cu flacari si explozii si cutremure in spate. Si oameni chinuiti de soarta. Aia are haine rupte si jegoase pe ea, dar are cercei frumosi =)))))))))) Cum?!?!?!?

Ok, par idioata. Paaaa

If this isn't Ana, atunci nu stiu pe ce lume traiesc.

WTF?!?!? Era mai solida si in 2007 in Music and Lyrics, nu 2002. Am vazut-o ieri in Bride Wars si mi-a picat fata. DOAMNE! In fine...nu stiu, nu ma pot obisnui cu felul in care arata acum. Fața ei e prea mare pt restul corpului...si nici macar nu e ATAT de inalta(1,83m), dar pare URIASA pe langa ceilalti actori.

In poza: Kristen Johnston