I'm so hungry I could eat a baby.

Ok, now I'm angry. I had this in the back of my mind but I hoped that it's not possible. Oh, but it is! It always was and always will be. I'm the fucking donkey. That stupid promise I made to myself in the 12th grade still doesn't apply. Well it worked that year. Shockingly. Maybe I should put a new one on a wall here somewhere. It seems that writing stuff down works better. I'm also at a weird time of the month which makes me FURIOUS right now. I'm making sooo many mistakes in this post. C'est la vie. Whoa I'm super angry. I can't focus on anything. I'm angry because I feel like a fool. It's kind of affecting my ego. In a negative way. It's like....I didn't even really care about all this shit but now I'm starting to care. It's not that bad. Not yet. I hope it'll remain like this. 'Cause then it will just disappear. I'm kind of getting used to this type of situations. And I hate them to death!!!! Fuck it. At least I have a backbone. I'm not a fucking amoeba. All gooey and dull and lazy and UGH! Annoying! OMG. What if no one's going to go out tonight? Because tomorrow is the 31st? Shit. Oh well. Less people, more air to breathe. *sigh* Go to hell.

Caffeine in my brain

I got a bit scared the day before yesterday when I realized an idiotic thing. It's funny how we can never know everything about ourselves and our reactions to certain things. I was talking to a friend about a party he went to and about the fact that his friends started doing cocaine at some point. And he was like "I would never do drugs.". And I didn't say anything because I thought that if I would've been there, I would have wanted to try them. !!!! What the hell? The sad part is that those thoughts came into my head automatically. I wasn't thinking too much about what I would do. I just imagined everything and it seemed pretty realistic. Thank God I'm not a rockstar. I would've been dead by now if I were. Maybe it's just a phase? I've been acting pretty crazy lately. I started smoking in front of my parents. But that just gives me the feeling of being very sick. Mentally.
Again, I have no idea what I want. We'll see tonight, when all hell will break loose. Fuck fuck fuck fuck! I'm happy for a reason and stressed for another. Actually it's all fucked up. So typicall. And it's so funny that all these stupid things happen because of me! It's always MY fault! And even when I know I should stop, I don't want to! Because at that point I'm feeling good and that's always nice. But I'm not alone on this planet, I affect other people too. Ok, in the other case I hope I won't be the one too affected. But it's still my fault. I miss Mihnea. Though that was another complicated story. All the special people I've met in my life fucked me up. I'm not completely crazy yet. So, freaks (I mean that in a nice way, of course. Normal is fucking boring when you're young), feel free to mess up my brain and we'll have lots of fun together.

Another post will follow soon with a recap of the year 2009.

xoxo

Nu mai pot. Trebuie sa scriu sau ceva, nu stiu, vreau sa scap de toate senzatiile astea. In decursul a 5 minute trec prin toate starile posibile. Ma gandesc la ceva, imi vine sa plang, pe urma se intampla ceva pozitiv dar totusi ciudat si imi vine sa zambesc pe urma imi amintesc ca nu pot sa am incredere si ma intristez din nou pe urma imi vine sa rad din cauza nu stiu carei situatii si imi amintesc de o gramada de lucruri pe care trebuie sa le rezolv si tot asa. Ma simt ca o vaza usor crapata. Totul se misca prea repede. Sunt putin entuziasmata acum. Dar in acelasi timp ma simt ca si cand m-as fi despartit de cineva la care tineam extrem de mult. Acum mi-a trecut pt ca m-am uitat putin la Rock of Love 29745092592. Best brain washing show ever. Imi vine sa le macelaresc pe alea. Si lui Bret Michaels sa-i mutilez organul genital.

Confusing love with fascination. I have to cut my fingernails. "Du siehst so gepflegt aus." Ewwwwwwww fucking PERV. I need Kippen. I don't know what to do. Should I go buy some or just make something to eat and try to forget about it or both? Let me have a look inside my wallet.