I'm so tired!!!!!!!!!! Umm, I just wanted to say that I'm feeling OK now. Everything's good. I just exaggerate a lot. Emo bitch xD. I feel like listening to Slipknot. I am, actually. It goes perfectly well with I have no idea what. It's like a bit of fuel. Like my heart has stopped beating but now the rhythm of the music is replacing it. That's not the case but I feel like passing out any second even though I've slept for 12 hours again last night. I'm not proud of that. Nuh-uh. I really hate these vitamins. Nausea sux anus.
I keep having these silly dreams that have nothing to do with any part of my life or with each other.
I went to see Alexandra yesterday and met a work colleague of hers. It was pretty interesting to talk to him about our mentality and how he sees this country and how he feels here... I'm starting to change my life rhythm so it's always fascinating to remember some not so amusing facts about our wonderful country and its people.
I'm nothing like him (why do all of my paragraphs start with "I" ???!!? Hmm...I really should change that)... I'm not so fond of our traditional food, I don't care about eating meat everyday, I hate lamb meat, I HATE arguing with people on the street/bus/anywhere because I lose my temper pretty quickly and I don't like being mean to people, and I think that's about it. How can you feel better after having idiotic arguments with random people over some insignificant SHIT?!?! What's the point? Really now, do you want to die sooner? Ughghgh. Annoying.
In other news...umm Andreea is coming to Bucharest!! Yay!
I'm hungry. I'm gonna go eat some dead animals.
xoxo!!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
In Romania 7
How can I not be semi-depressed, when my dad tells me that every choice I made by myself in my life was wrong and that mom and him shouldn't have listened to me. And that I could be thinner and all that BULLSHIT that just eats me to the core. I don't know if he WANTS me to feel so horrible or if he just doesn't notice the effect it has on me. 'Cause after 10 minutes he starts making jokes and completely forgets about what he said before, while I'm dying a little inside. Lost 4 kg in these 2 weeks. I hate food, I hate anything that can make my body healthier. I just want to disappear.
"No one should listen to you." I can't take this anymore. I feel like screaming. I didn't see all this so complicated. Everything had a good end. I try this, it doesn't work out well, it's ok, I'll just try something else. It shouldn't be the end of the world. But the way he SAYS it...it really breaks my heart. I just...I want to go back to Düsseldorf. I like being alone sometimes. I need that right now. Actually I don't want to be alone. I just don't want to be with my parents. Apart from the mean things my dad sometimes tells me, I know that my mom is worried because of the life I'm living atm. Oh well, fuck it :).
I have to go meet my friend at her workplace. A little distraction is EXACTLY what I need right now. But I'm still so tired. I've slept 13 hours since yesterday. That's too much. Like I said. I'm pretty much fucked up right now. And for NO GOOD REASON at ALL.
I don't know what to say. I have my happy moments in between but then I start worrying about them too! Damn it :). It will all work out well in the end though, I'm sure. No one has ever died from things like these before. My body is still trying to fix itself from those stupid antibiotics. And the lack of sleep. And alcohol. And cigarettes. Yeah. So...
xoxo
"No one should listen to you." I can't take this anymore. I feel like screaming. I didn't see all this so complicated. Everything had a good end. I try this, it doesn't work out well, it's ok, I'll just try something else. It shouldn't be the end of the world. But the way he SAYS it...it really breaks my heart. I just...I want to go back to Düsseldorf. I like being alone sometimes. I need that right now. Actually I don't want to be alone. I just don't want to be with my parents. Apart from the mean things my dad sometimes tells me, I know that my mom is worried because of the life I'm living atm. Oh well, fuck it :).
I have to go meet my friend at her workplace. A little distraction is EXACTLY what I need right now. But I'm still so tired. I've slept 13 hours since yesterday. That's too much. Like I said. I'm pretty much fucked up right now. And for NO GOOD REASON at ALL.
I don't know what to say. I have my happy moments in between but then I start worrying about them too! Damn it :). It will all work out well in the end though, I'm sure. No one has ever died from things like these before. My body is still trying to fix itself from those stupid antibiotics. And the lack of sleep. And alcohol. And cigarettes. Yeah. So...
xoxo
Saturday, March 21, 2009
In Romania 6 : Mor? =)
Aaaa nu stiu ce sa zic! Ma simt ca un copil idiot :)). Am fost ieri in El Comandante. Mi-era dor de muzica aia...Hmm...da. Trebuie neaparat sa ma intalnesc azi cu Alexandra. Dar nu cred ca o sa fac asta. As vrea sa vorbesc doar cu ea...nu am cu cine altcineva sa vorbesc. Sigur, cu Rodica as putea dar nu e aici :(. Lalallalala.
I ADORE the Killers. :))))) Nothing new. Bla bla. Nu stiu ce sa ziiiiic. Pt ca am multe de zis dar nu pot sa scriu. Nu vreau sa stie toata lumea. Dar as vrea sa get it off my chest. Destiny is calling me xD
Il vreau pe Edward. Forever and ever and ever and ever. De ce nu exista asa ceva?! Nah, habar n-am. URASC situatiile de genul asta. He takes off her dress now..let me go....... Ufi pufi.
Da, de fapt vroiam sa zic ca urasc situatiile previzibile. De fapt nu era nimic previzibil. Pfff nu pot sa ma exprim deloc!!! Mi-e frica pentru ca nu vreau sa ajunga sa imi placa prea mult de el. Sunt egoista, stiu, dar chiar nu vreau sa sufar. Parca tot nu pot avea incredere in el. Ma rog, il stiu de 2 zile hahahhahaha. Ce ciudat!!!!!! WTF?! Daca stau bine sa ma gandesc...Da. Nu inteleg nimic. Totul se misca prea repede. Si in general, cand se misca repede, e de scurta durata. *sniff* INCERC sa fiu optimista! Dar mi-e din ce in ce mai greu. Nu am mancat azi. Nici nu prea am baut apa. Ma simt asa ciudat. LMFAO sunt indragostita. Nah. Nu cred ca sunt. Ar fi stupid din partea mea sa ma simt asa dupa doar doua zile. Right? :-s
Trebuie sa-mi fac bagajul. O sa fie interesant. Nu vrea sa iasa din creierul meu!!! AAA nu mai suport! Chiar ma intristeaza chestia asta. *sigh*
xoxo
I ADORE the Killers. :))))) Nothing new. Bla bla. Nu stiu ce sa ziiiiic. Pt ca am multe de zis dar nu pot sa scriu. Nu vreau sa stie toata lumea. Dar as vrea sa get it off my chest. Destiny is calling me xD
Il vreau pe Edward. Forever and ever and ever and ever. De ce nu exista asa ceva?! Nah, habar n-am. URASC situatiile de genul asta. He takes off her dress now..let me go....... Ufi pufi.
Da, de fapt vroiam sa zic ca urasc situatiile previzibile. De fapt nu era nimic previzibil. Pfff nu pot sa ma exprim deloc!!! Mi-e frica pentru ca nu vreau sa ajunga sa imi placa prea mult de el. Sunt egoista, stiu, dar chiar nu vreau sa sufar. Parca tot nu pot avea incredere in el. Ma rog, il stiu de 2 zile hahahhahaha. Ce ciudat!!!!!! WTF?! Daca stau bine sa ma gandesc...Da. Nu inteleg nimic. Totul se misca prea repede. Si in general, cand se misca repede, e de scurta durata. *sniff* INCERC sa fiu optimista! Dar mi-e din ce in ce mai greu. Nu am mancat azi. Nici nu prea am baut apa. Ma simt asa ciudat. LMFAO sunt indragostita. Nah. Nu cred ca sunt. Ar fi stupid din partea mea sa ma simt asa dupa doar doua zile. Right? :-s
Trebuie sa-mi fac bagajul. O sa fie interesant. Nu vrea sa iasa din creierul meu!!! AAA nu mai suport! Chiar ma intristeaza chestia asta. *sigh*
xoxo
Friday, March 20, 2009
In Romania 5 : Hmm
Deci pot sa jur ca e 12th grade all over again. Pfoai, groaznic. Alice moments all the time. 24 Martie 2007 ...atunci m-am hotarat sa devin vegetariana :)). Tot cam in aceeasi perioada. Party ieri.
Drama, baby, drama. :)))
Drama, baby, drama. :)))
Thursday, March 19, 2009
In Romania 4 : LUV
I'm so happy!
I don't know why. I mean I know why but it's weird. I was sooo sad and I decided to call Stefan because I didn't answer his calls the past few days (yeah, I'm an asshole, I know :< ) and he asked me if I wanted to go out with him and his sister and some friends of hers and some people from other countries and I'm so happy to be able to do something else than just watch TV or something like that. That sounds so sad. I can go out every day if I want to, but yeah, I just didn't. I needed some kind of break from the outside world. I wanted to spend some quality time with my dear parents. But now I need some time to socialize. I missed going to a club and dancing and acting like an idiot around people I don't know so well. I LOVE the Killers. They complete my life atm.
Lalallalala. I don't know what to tyyype I just feel like singing along(I'm listening to the Killers) and dancing. I can't wait to get dressed and make myself pretty. I've missed that too. Spending hours in front of the mirror getting mad for not being able to pull out an awesome make-up and then looking at the whole package and thinking OMG I look fat like this. Bleah. Hmm whatever. No one will think that way. And if I'm a fun person, it's gonna be a good distraction from my chubby areas. Having a bigger ass is good for boys xDDD. OK I'm not always thinking that way. I'm exaggerating. But I've missed being ready to go out and thinking. Wow. I look better than usual now.
I need to upgrade my mood. Make it hyper happy. I'm almost there. But I can't really act the way I want because my parents will think that I'm WEIRD and abnormally excited. But in Germany I would dance and do my warm-up. Sort of. YAY I'm gonna wear high heels. I've missed that too.
I love Lady Gaga as well. I love her songs. But the club I'm going to won't play music like this. SADLY. It's gonna be boring house music. The one no one's ever heard of. People can't dance too well to music they don't know. It's those songs you just ADORE that you start woo-ing and dancing like a rockstar to. Those are the songs that make you sparkle like Edward Cullen in the sunlight hahahahha. Without the sound effect.
Can't read my can't read my no he can't read my poker face.... lallalalallalalallalallla
I don't know why. I mean I know why but it's weird. I was sooo sad and I decided to call Stefan because I didn't answer his calls the past few days (yeah, I'm an asshole, I know :< ) and he asked me if I wanted to go out with him and his sister and some friends of hers and some people from other countries and I'm so happy to be able to do something else than just watch TV or something like that. That sounds so sad. I can go out every day if I want to, but yeah, I just didn't. I needed some kind of break from the outside world. I wanted to spend some quality time with my dear parents. But now I need some time to socialize. I missed going to a club and dancing and acting like an idiot around people I don't know so well. I LOVE the Killers. They complete my life atm.
Lalallalala. I don't know what to tyyype I just feel like singing along(I'm listening to the Killers) and dancing. I can't wait to get dressed and make myself pretty. I've missed that too. Spending hours in front of the mirror getting mad for not being able to pull out an awesome make-up and then looking at the whole package and thinking OMG I look fat like this. Bleah. Hmm whatever. No one will think that way. And if I'm a fun person, it's gonna be a good distraction from my chubby areas. Having a bigger ass is good for boys xDDD. OK I'm not always thinking that way. I'm exaggerating. But I've missed being ready to go out and thinking. Wow. I look better than usual now.
I need to upgrade my mood. Make it hyper happy. I'm almost there. But I can't really act the way I want because my parents will think that I'm WEIRD and abnormally excited. But in Germany I would dance and do my warm-up. Sort of. YAY I'm gonna wear high heels. I've missed that too.
I love Lady Gaga as well. I love her songs. But the club I'm going to won't play music like this. SADLY. It's gonna be boring house music. The one no one's ever heard of. People can't dance too well to music they don't know. It's those songs you just ADORE that you start woo-ing and dancing like a rockstar to. Those are the songs that make you sparkle like Edward Cullen in the sunlight hahahahha. Without the sound effect.
Can't read my can't read my no he can't read my poker face.... lallalalallalalallalallla
In Romania 3 : I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO BE IMMORTAL!!! :<<<
Daca viata tot e atat de scurta si OMG NINGE. Nu-mi place cand mi se distrage atentia. Incerc sa fiu serioasa aici. Cum spuneam, daca viata tot e atat de scurta si fara importanta in acest univers infinit, macar sa incerc sa o fac cat mai placuta. Da, stiu ca 99% din populatia lumii se gandeste la chestia asta uneori, dar nu ma refer la ideea ca de acum incolo o sa ma comport ca o nebuna doar pentru ca asa am chef sau mai stiu eu ce. Nu vreau sa ma exprim corect sau frumos in acest blog asa ca nu ma judecati. Da, vreau sa devin vegetariana din nou. Cred ca imi vine ciclul. Sunt din ce in ce mai emotiva incepand de ieri. Azi m-a lovit asa ca un pumn urias. Nu stiu ce m-a apucat. Dar am analizat toata treaba asta si am ajuns la concluzia ca pot sa traiesc asa. Nu stiu daca o sa pot sa renunt complet la lactate (mai ales pt ca se afla in multe produse z.B. cookies!! <3) dar la carne da. I did it before si nu am patit nimic. Nu m-am imbolnavit, nu nimic. Chiar nu sunt in stare sa ma controlez? Trebuie sa fiu un monstru? Sunt om, am un anumit nivel de inteligenta. Am posibilitatea de a alege calea cea mai curata. Nu o sa devin o sfanta niciodata. Asta e clar. Dar daca vine vorba de mancare, macar as putea sa renunt sa vad niste cadavre de animale prajite sau fierte ca pe ceva gustos cand mi-e foame. Oribil.
In afara de asta nu prea vreau sa spun nimic. Nu incerc sa sustin niciun punct de vedere, nu vreau sa demonstrez ceva, nu vreau sa faca si altii ca mine, nu ma intereseaza. Fiecare traieste cum vrea. Astept sa imi treaca starea asta inutila. Ce rost are sa analizezi viata si soarta si toata chestiile astea complicate sau simple, depinzand de felul in care te simti pe moment.
Vreau sa fiu o vaca. Dar sa am norocul sa duc o viata cat de cat placuta. Ba nu. Vreau sa fiu o pisica. Macar asa stiu sigur ca nu o sa fiu crescuta de cineva care o sa aiba de gand sa ma taie sau sa ma mulga.
Dar nu vreau sa mor!! Imi amintesc cand eram oarecum dependenta de Myspace si il gasisem pe Jake Gyllenhaal(era profilul lui oficial, dar cred ca a fost sters acum, nu stiu) si era acolo la how do you want to die si el I DON'T WANNAAA! Asta era cand Heath Ledger inca mai traia. Si avea si el un profil dar evident, si ala a fost sters. Cine mai intra pe Myspace?! Da, imi pare rau.
Imi pare foarte rau. Ascult Hope si incerc sa nu ma gandesc ca o sa fie concert Anathema in Bucuresti. Daca ma gandesc la asta, turbez. Urlu, plang, ma dau cu capul de pereti si rup multe foi. I wanted to live forever. Mi-e somn. Ma culc putin.
Nu e chiar asa de rau. Ma simt mai bine acum. A trecut ceva timp(cateva minute/ore). Era normal sa imi revin.
PAAAA
In afara de asta nu prea vreau sa spun nimic. Nu incerc sa sustin niciun punct de vedere, nu vreau sa demonstrez ceva, nu vreau sa faca si altii ca mine, nu ma intereseaza. Fiecare traieste cum vrea. Astept sa imi treaca starea asta inutila. Ce rost are sa analizezi viata si soarta si toata chestiile astea complicate sau simple, depinzand de felul in care te simti pe moment.
Vreau sa fiu o vaca. Dar sa am norocul sa duc o viata cat de cat placuta. Ba nu. Vreau sa fiu o pisica. Macar asa stiu sigur ca nu o sa fiu crescuta de cineva care o sa aiba de gand sa ma taie sau sa ma mulga.
Dar nu vreau sa mor!! Imi amintesc cand eram oarecum dependenta de Myspace si il gasisem pe Jake Gyllenhaal(era profilul lui oficial, dar cred ca a fost sters acum, nu stiu) si era acolo la how do you want to die si el I DON'T WANNAAA! Asta era cand Heath Ledger inca mai traia. Si avea si el un profil dar evident, si ala a fost sters. Cine mai intra pe Myspace?! Da, imi pare rau.
Imi pare foarte rau. Ascult Hope si incerc sa nu ma gandesc ca o sa fie concert Anathema in Bucuresti. Daca ma gandesc la asta, turbez. Urlu, plang, ma dau cu capul de pereti si rup multe foi. I wanted to live forever. Mi-e somn. Ma culc putin.
Nu e chiar asa de rau. Ma simt mai bine acum. A trecut ceva timp(cateva minute/ore). Era normal sa imi revin.
PAAAA
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
In Romania 2
OMG I'm going to my high school tomorrow! I'm SO excited. I hope it's going to be sunny...and that Alex will come with me. If that doesn't happen, it's gonna SUCK. OMGOMG :D
I felt strange today while I was in the car with dad. As I observed new shops and stuff on the boulevard, I had a super strong feeling of deja vu. It was like 12th grade all over again. I was feeling spring the way I used to 2 years ago. And I was thinking of Mihnea. I think about him too much since I've come home. Gah. I even have dreams about him sometimes. How frustrating. I'm sure most of the things I feel and imagine are exaggerated. Haha well at least it's like dreaming of a movie star or a fictional character. They all have a simple mortal root. So there's no difference there. Writing that, I'm feeling better. I was getting a bit worried. I don't know if I make sense anymore because the music I'm listening to is too loud and I can't concentrate at all. I can't hear my thoughts.
Finished Eclipse. It was such a wise decision to re-read the books. I feel like I'm reading them for the first time. First time I've skipped lots of parts because I was too anxious to find out what was going to happen next and if Bella would finally be turned into a vampire and bla bla and then Jacob appeared and I was like ew, he's a wolf man. He must smell funny. Dogs smell. LMFAO. But now I paid more attention and I don't have anything against him anymore. I wuv him too. Not as much as the lovely and perfect Edward, but he's important as well.
I'm gonna marry this song. "Spaceman" - The Killers
Oh look! A chewing gum. Yesterday I got hit by revelations from all directions. It was too much. I thought I was gonna explode. This world is too crowded with ideas and already invented things. Too many books, too much music, too many other things that YOU and I will never ever know because we don't have time! EEEEK!
OMG really now, if there's a thing out there that is immortal and can make people immortal as well, PLEASE contact me! I BEG YOU! I don't want to die too soon.
Leaving that aside, I might start going on a different path. I just have to figure out what suits me best. I should talk to Hiltscher. He was pretty disappointed when I told him that I wanted to study economics. What would he want me to study? Life is too short to regret failing at stuff. Fuck it. As long as I didn't TRULY waste my time living on the couch and eating FAT it was somehow worth it.
I feel like typing the lyrics that I'm hearing. Grrr. Annoying. *sigh* I was thinking about Robert Pattinson looking all OMG ok I won't say anything about him. I'm not a weird psycho twimom or something. Ew. Mom. I don't want to know who the father of my children will be. I hope he'll be gorgeous. And immortal. LMFAO. Yeah, he'll def be immortal. Duh. Pff. I'm such an idiot.
I wanna be like Alice. No. I'll never be like her. Because it's physically impossible. I'm like a freakin handicapped horse compared to her. I'm too tall and too fat to be like her and I'm not gracious AT ALL. And I can't dance. And I'm lazy. I don't want to be like anyone. Because I can't :(. OH but I can!
Don't judge! Let me have my moments. I just LOVE them. I love to obsess over someone for a short period of time and try to be like them until I get bored. And then I think it all gets mixed up and I end up being myself over and over again.
I'm sleepy and I need to pee.
BYE!
xoxo
PS. Oh, I LOVE Benny Kieckhäben!!! <3333 (He's gay, btw. No one has replaced Edward Cullen yet, don't worry.)
I felt strange today while I was in the car with dad. As I observed new shops and stuff on the boulevard, I had a super strong feeling of deja vu. It was like 12th grade all over again. I was feeling spring the way I used to 2 years ago. And I was thinking of Mihnea. I think about him too much since I've come home. Gah. I even have dreams about him sometimes. How frustrating. I'm sure most of the things I feel and imagine are exaggerated. Haha well at least it's like dreaming of a movie star or a fictional character. They all have a simple mortal root. So there's no difference there. Writing that, I'm feeling better. I was getting a bit worried. I don't know if I make sense anymore because the music I'm listening to is too loud and I can't concentrate at all. I can't hear my thoughts.
Finished Eclipse. It was such a wise decision to re-read the books. I feel like I'm reading them for the first time. First time I've skipped lots of parts because I was too anxious to find out what was going to happen next and if Bella would finally be turned into a vampire and bla bla and then Jacob appeared and I was like ew, he's a wolf man. He must smell funny. Dogs smell. LMFAO. But now I paid more attention and I don't have anything against him anymore. I wuv him too. Not as much as the lovely and perfect Edward, but he's important as well.
I'm gonna marry this song. "Spaceman" - The Killers
Oh look! A chewing gum. Yesterday I got hit by revelations from all directions. It was too much. I thought I was gonna explode. This world is too crowded with ideas and already invented things. Too many books, too much music, too many other things that YOU and I will never ever know because we don't have time! EEEEK!
OMG really now, if there's a thing out there that is immortal and can make people immortal as well, PLEASE contact me! I BEG YOU! I don't want to die too soon.
Leaving that aside, I might start going on a different path. I just have to figure out what suits me best. I should talk to Hiltscher. He was pretty disappointed when I told him that I wanted to study economics. What would he want me to study? Life is too short to regret failing at stuff. Fuck it. As long as I didn't TRULY waste my time living on the couch and eating FAT it was somehow worth it.
I feel like typing the lyrics that I'm hearing. Grrr. Annoying. *sigh* I was thinking about Robert Pattinson looking all OMG ok I won't say anything about him. I'm not a weird psycho twimom or something. Ew. Mom. I don't want to know who the father of my children will be. I hope he'll be gorgeous. And immortal. LMFAO. Yeah, he'll def be immortal. Duh. Pff. I'm such an idiot.
I wanna be like Alice. No. I'll never be like her. Because it's physically impossible. I'm like a freakin handicapped horse compared to her. I'm too tall and too fat to be like her and I'm not gracious AT ALL. And I can't dance. And I'm lazy. I don't want to be like anyone. Because I can't :(. OH but I can!
Don't judge! Let me have my moments. I just LOVE them. I love to obsess over someone for a short period of time and try to be like them until I get bored. And then I think it all gets mixed up and I end up being myself over and over again.
I'm sleepy and I need to pee.
BYE!
xoxo
PS. Oh, I LOVE Benny Kieckhäben!!! <3333 (He's gay, btw. No one has replaced Edward Cullen yet, don't worry.)
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
In Romania 1
I landed in Romania a few days ago. I met up with some friends and read Twilight.
I've started re-reading New Moon 48 hours ago. Still got half of it to read. So depressing. No matter how often I read the break-up part, I can't keep myself from crying and feeling all left alone in this world. Ha ha, I KNOW, I'm a very sensitive person.
I can't wait to go to the grocery store tomorrow. I love to see if there's anything new on the shelves. Yeah, it's been like 2 months since I've been here but I have the impression it's been longer than that. I will never feel that the time is constant. I guess that's as normal as pooping. Everyone feels it differently. OK, I could have compared it to something else, but I'm trying to be serious here, mmkay?
Every paragraph starts with "I". Not this one!!! I found my old journals. Didn't have to look hard for them. I mean I've always known where they were, but w/e. I was curious to remember what I was thinking/doing while I was 17-18. I remember the way I used to look back then. UGH! When will I find MY personal style?
Yeah. Nothing special in there. 17- Germany, a bit of frustration because of Sergiu, 18- Pro Ana and lots of Germany. Then I left home and winded up in this mess called present.
I really didn't want to know who I kissed at the New Years party. I think I'm starting to feel sick again. Now that I wrote this, well typed it, I realize what it sounds like. When I heard it from my friend, I was like yeah whatever, it happens. We're young and like to get drunk and pass out from time to time. But NOW I see that it looks like desperation. It's like seeing a 30 yr old lady making out with any guy at a party because she hasn't got a boyfriend. EUGH. That isn't really my case, but I just imagine the story like that. That is so sad. I feel OLLLLD and wrinkly. I'm gonna die soon and regret it. Or not. Bla bla. No but really, I'm getting older. I hate it to death.
I want Ray Ban sun glasses. Before they get old fashioned. My dad indirectly told me that I'm a fat ass. How I missed that. At least I'm kinda moving my ass now a bit and trying to put some muscle on my arms and abs.
Had Robert Pattinson's Never Think on repeat for a while now. Let's change it to something more umm dunno. Maybe I should listen to Van Morrison. But not now. Empire of the Sun. BETTER. My hair is messy and I think it stinks from yesterday evening. The pubs here are SO HORRIBLE and they all smell like HELL's ass. Really, now. It's like ppl have been smoking towards those couches and walls without opening one window/door for 30 years. It's scary. And then the next day you smell like death. Ok your body is easier to wash, but your clothes!! That takes time! You have to wait for them to dry and you can't wear them twice if your planning on going out. Hmm. Maybe before going out you should make sure that the clothes you're gonna wear are extremely musty like this is the last time you're gonna wear them cause they're so horribly dirty and smell like bed and dead skin. Who reads this is gonna think I never wash my clothes. Or myself.
I have to wait 5 hours for that movie to download. How come?!?! I was hoping for like 2 hours....I keep having the weirdest dreams ever since I've returned to my home land. I'm dreaming of going to school with various Twilight actors and stuff like that....dreams that generally include the cast of Twilight and some scenes from the books. It's maddening. I'm afraid I might be going mental. But I'm behaving normally. Yes. I am VERY normal. At least I don't talk in my sleep. That would have SUCKED big time.
Yeah OH I remembered I wanted to check someone's blog. I'm suddenly so bored. My eyes hurt. It's been a week since I've spent so much time in front of a computer.
See ya
xoxo
I've started re-reading New Moon 48 hours ago. Still got half of it to read. So depressing. No matter how often I read the break-up part, I can't keep myself from crying and feeling all left alone in this world. Ha ha, I KNOW, I'm a very sensitive person.
I can't wait to go to the grocery store tomorrow. I love to see if there's anything new on the shelves. Yeah, it's been like 2 months since I've been here but I have the impression it's been longer than that. I will never feel that the time is constant. I guess that's as normal as pooping. Everyone feels it differently. OK, I could have compared it to something else, but I'm trying to be serious here, mmkay?
Every paragraph starts with "I". Not this one!!! I found my old journals. Didn't have to look hard for them. I mean I've always known where they were, but w/e. I was curious to remember what I was thinking/doing while I was 17-18. I remember the way I used to look back then. UGH! When will I find MY personal style?
Yeah. Nothing special in there. 17- Germany, a bit of frustration because of Sergiu, 18- Pro Ana and lots of Germany. Then I left home and winded up in this mess called present.
I really didn't want to know who I kissed at the New Years party. I think I'm starting to feel sick again. Now that I wrote this, well typed it, I realize what it sounds like. When I heard it from my friend, I was like yeah whatever, it happens. We're young and like to get drunk and pass out from time to time. But NOW I see that it looks like desperation. It's like seeing a 30 yr old lady making out with any guy at a party because she hasn't got a boyfriend. EUGH. That isn't really my case, but I just imagine the story like that. That is so sad. I feel OLLLLD and wrinkly. I'm gonna die soon and regret it. Or not. Bla bla. No but really, I'm getting older. I hate it to death.
I want Ray Ban sun glasses. Before they get old fashioned. My dad indirectly told me that I'm a fat ass. How I missed that. At least I'm kinda moving my ass now a bit and trying to put some muscle on my arms and abs.
Had Robert Pattinson's Never Think on repeat for a while now. Let's change it to something more umm dunno. Maybe I should listen to Van Morrison. But not now. Empire of the Sun. BETTER. My hair is messy and I think it stinks from yesterday evening. The pubs here are SO HORRIBLE and they all smell like HELL's ass. Really, now. It's like ppl have been smoking towards those couches and walls without opening one window/door for 30 years. It's scary. And then the next day you smell like death. Ok your body is easier to wash, but your clothes!! That takes time! You have to wait for them to dry and you can't wear them twice if your planning on going out. Hmm. Maybe before going out you should make sure that the clothes you're gonna wear are extremely musty like this is the last time you're gonna wear them cause they're so horribly dirty and smell like bed and dead skin. Who reads this is gonna think I never wash my clothes. Or myself.
I have to wait 5 hours for that movie to download. How come?!?! I was hoping for like 2 hours....I keep having the weirdest dreams ever since I've returned to my home land. I'm dreaming of going to school with various Twilight actors and stuff like that....dreams that generally include the cast of Twilight and some scenes from the books. It's maddening. I'm afraid I might be going mental. But I'm behaving normally. Yes. I am VERY normal. At least I don't talk in my sleep. That would have SUCKED big time.
Yeah OH I remembered I wanted to check someone's blog. I'm suddenly so bored. My eyes hurt. It's been a week since I've spent so much time in front of a computer.
See ya
xoxo
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
A little update
So! The past few weeks I've been pretty down, mostly because of exam stress and menstruation(ok, it doesn't last for weeks, I know!! But EWWW xD). I've had my exam today(yesterday even) and I'm glad to have all that behind me now. Had a short breakdown today and listened to Anathema for half an hour and then realized that I can't go on like that for too long :D. So I played some Lady Gaga then tried to sleep. That didn't last too long because of my phone ringing so I decided to eat something and occupy my time with other forms of relaxation.
A few days ago I received my Twilight books all the way from the U.S.. They're SOOOOOOO pretty!!! And with hard covers (lovely). I can't wait for Rodica to read Breaking Dawn. She's gonna buy it tomorrow after her exam :D. That's the first thing she'll do immediately after leaving the campus. LOL.
I'm gonna fly to Romania on February 21st. After landing safely, going home, blah blah-ing with my parents and probably munching on some healthy/unhealthy stuff I'm gonna FORCE my parents to accompany me to the movies(Twilight, obv)!!! My dad will be up for it, no doubt. Mom will probably complain a bit at first, saying that she's not in the mood for going out, but just like me, she's a sucker for super romantic chick flicks not necessarily with a twist. After that, GOD knows what I'll do. Probably go skiing for a few days if it's snowy. That should be entertaining.
I observe that I express myself differently when I'm positive and sadness free. This is the OTHER me :). The one you briefly talk to on the street.
For the first time in my life I bought a pack of RED Dunhills. Apparently these are the ORIGINAL ones. Like the first ones that appeared on the market. Of course, the image and design of the pack has changed in time. They have huge packs of these in stores. Amazing. More than 24 cigs = WHOA. I sound like a weird addict. Thank God I'm not talking about drugs or alcohol.
I was planning to buy beer and get wasted by myself after the exam. BAD IDEA. So I didn't do it. That would have been so STUPID.
But what matters to me NOW is tomorrow(today) night! PARTYYYY! With no second thoughts such as "oh god, i gotta get outta here quickly, i have to study, jeese, i've had too much alcohol, my head will hurt tomorrow. i'm wasting my time. omg what's with that guy? blah". JOY! I'll finally YAY Lady Gaga on the radio. LUV. Yeah I'll finally get to have fun FOR REAL. And FINALLY meet that guy, what's his name? WHatever. He's from uni and studies with us but I dunno. I don't hang out with everyone. I should ask that other guy to come with us. Hmmm. He's online right now. Or wait. He was like an hour ago. He's still on but BUSY. Damn. What should I do??? I'm not gonna go into detail, 'cause all that is private atm. :D
Soooooooooo the Spanish teacher sent me a video he made in class. It's with me and Pascal reading some stuff about "our own radio station". GAY. But it's fun for the memories collection box. I'll just throw it in there and accidentally find it after 10 years and think "OMG where was my confidence back then?! Uhh what's with the black clothes?! I look like a weird dead thing. Thank God the light was yellow. I bet I was pale as well. Pff I'm lucky to have this fake Californian tan on me right now. " OK, all except for the last part with the tan.
I'm getting tired. I should continue reading/go to bed.
XOXO
A few days ago I received my Twilight books all the way from the U.S.. They're SOOOOOOO pretty!!! And with hard covers (lovely). I can't wait for Rodica to read Breaking Dawn. She's gonna buy it tomorrow after her exam :D. That's the first thing she'll do immediately after leaving the campus. LOL.
I'm gonna fly to Romania on February 21st. After landing safely, going home, blah blah-ing with my parents and probably munching on some healthy/unhealthy stuff I'm gonna FORCE my parents to accompany me to the movies(Twilight, obv)!!! My dad will be up for it, no doubt. Mom will probably complain a bit at first, saying that she's not in the mood for going out, but just like me, she's a sucker for super romantic chick flicks not necessarily with a twist. After that, GOD knows what I'll do. Probably go skiing for a few days if it's snowy. That should be entertaining.
I observe that I express myself differently when I'm positive and sadness free. This is the OTHER me :). The one you briefly talk to on the street.
For the first time in my life I bought a pack of RED Dunhills. Apparently these are the ORIGINAL ones. Like the first ones that appeared on the market. Of course, the image and design of the pack has changed in time. They have huge packs of these in stores. Amazing. More than 24 cigs = WHOA. I sound like a weird addict. Thank God I'm not talking about drugs or alcohol.
I was planning to buy beer and get wasted by myself after the exam. BAD IDEA. So I didn't do it. That would have been so STUPID.
But what matters to me NOW is tomorrow(today) night! PARTYYYY! With no second thoughts such as "oh god, i gotta get outta here quickly, i have to study, jeese, i've had too much alcohol, my head will hurt tomorrow. i'm wasting my time. omg what's with that guy? blah". JOY! I'll finally YAY Lady Gaga on the radio. LUV. Yeah I'll finally get to have fun FOR REAL. And FINALLY meet that guy, what's his name? WHatever. He's from uni and studies with us but I dunno. I don't hang out with everyone. I should ask that other guy to come with us. Hmmm. He's online right now. Or wait. He was like an hour ago. He's still on but BUSY. Damn. What should I do??? I'm not gonna go into detail, 'cause all that is private atm. :D
Soooooooooo the Spanish teacher sent me a video he made in class. It's with me and Pascal reading some stuff about "our own radio station". GAY. But it's fun for the memories collection box. I'll just throw it in there and accidentally find it after 10 years and think "OMG where was my confidence back then?! Uhh what's with the black clothes?! I look like a weird dead thing. Thank God the light was yellow. I bet I was pale as well. Pff I'm lucky to have this fake Californian tan on me right now. " OK, all except for the last part with the tan.
I'm getting tired. I should continue reading/go to bed.
XOXO
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Tristesse
Evident ca nu o sa scriu asta in germana sau engleza. Nu sunt asa disperata sa inteleaga toata lumea ce spun. Pur si simplu simt nevoia sa ma descarc. Da, probabil ca as putea sa fac asta si in privat, dar I'm an internet attention whore sometimes. Nu da din cap, ca si tu esti la fel daca citesti asta!
Am realizat mai devreme ca nu ma mai inteleg cu mama prea bine. Bine, niciodata nu am avut prea multe in comun si ne-am tot certat dar acum parca ma afecteaza mai mult. Stiu ca e greu sa comunici pe net cu anumite persoane. Pur si simplu NU MERGE. Te enervezi mereu. Dar aici e altceva. Mereu e atenta la tot felul de chestii care o intereseaza pe moment si cand e din nou atenta la mine ma intreaba daca m-am trezit de dimineata ca sa invat si daca am invatat si sa invat si bla bla bla. Aceeasi faza mereu. Si ma streseaza foarte tare. Incerc sa o inteleg si sa ma pun in locul ei, dar...ahhh ma-sa. Cred ca trebuie sa fac vreo terapie ceva. Sunt asa nervoasa acum! Mi-e cald.
Deschid geamul, nu mai suport. Acum ar putea intra lilieci in camera sau alte fiinte zburatoare. Sinistru. Daca ar intra, primul lucru de care s-ar izbi ar fi bratul meu stang sau capul meu. Foarte sinistru. Da. Si idiotul ala....CUM ISI PERMITE SA MA ATINGA in general?!?!?! Nu te cunosc destul de bine, NU MA ATINGI, clar? Mai ales daca ai intentia sa imi dai una "amiceste". Du-te-n pizda ma-ti, n-am chef sa iti mutilez fata aia cretina pt ca ma murdaresc pe urma.
Ma scuzati. Sunt cam frustrata, cred. Ma irita treaba cu mama. Cu tata vorbesc in fiecare zi si mereu e interesant. Discutam, e atent la mine. Ma asculta, si il ascult si eu la randul meu. Totul decurge NORMAL. Dar cu mama de nicio culoare. Pfoai cat ma intristeaza chestia asta. Imi vine sa plang. Si nu stiu ce sa fac acum ca mi-am amintit de cursurile alea tampite de Präsentation und Kommunikation. De ce ma-sa au fost puse in martie??? Si de ce pt ca numele meu incepe cu N, trebuie sa vin o data la inceputul lunii, si altadata la sfarsit??? Si ceilalti vin normal, doua zile la rand sau asa. Adica trebuie sa-mi sacrific toata vacanta pt jegul asta?!?!?! Iubesc melodia asta. Human. Mi-e frig si cald. Imi vine sa urlu la monitor :)). Ultima oara cand m-am simtit asa era dupa ce am vorbit cu sclava aia de la Human Resources. Ba nu. Atunci eram complet distrusa si determinata sa ma tai cu primul obiect ascutit care era la indemana. It never gets old. Cred ca as fi in stare sa ma tai non stop. Frate. Nu e bine. Daca indrazneste care sa-mi zica EMO, ii spintec fata. Daca vreti sa ma faceti ceva de genul asta, folositi un cuvant mai clasic, da? Nu cum e cretinitatea aia de "chill" sau mai stiu eu ce cuvant idiot care nici macar nu e CORECT in limba din care provine. Adica sensul care ii e dat in prezent nu e corect.
:(((((((((((((((((( AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
New York o suge bine, sunt sigura. Ma refer la gagica aia idioata de pe MTV care a ajuns vedeata de la emisiunea aia retardata, Flavor of Love nush cat. Ala nu o sa-si gaseasca o femeie niciodata, la cat de borat e. Lasa-te bai, ca nu vrea nimeni sa-ti vada mecla obosita la televizor. Si cu stilul ala vestimentar, poti sa te arunci singur la gunoi.
"Halt die Klappe und blute!". Pffff. Ce panarama. Replica de doi bani. Nici nu vreau sa ma uit la filmul ala. Urasc filmele cu gagici care se dau mari luptatoare. Siiiiiiiiiigur ca o slabatura de 1,60 poate face praf 7 barbati de doua ori cat ea si luptatori profesionisti. Lasa-ti-ma cu vrajelile astea.
Cred ca daca as vedea un vampir acum, i-as da o palma si m-as duce sa ma culc. Nu scriu de ce, sunt prea multe chestii de spus dar acum chiar m-am saturat de ei. Ce e mai departe de Twilight nu imi place. Nu ar fi trebuit sa ma uit si la altceva. Twilight e exact pe gustul meu. Restul ma deprima incredibil de mult. Ce ma-sa e asta? Jackass? Vai, ce idioti. Imi si imaginez ce fete au nemtii care se uita la asa ceva. Toti arata la fel. LOL, Michael Jackson. Cand e un ipse sau el, nu stiu si pune mana pe trunchiul unui copac si pe urma din partea cealalta e unul cu o sabie si vrea sa ii taie mana =))))))))))))))). Aia a fost secventa pe care am vazut-o cand am schimbat canalul. O mana pe un copac si pe urma o sabie din partea cealalta si cum ala isi trage mana. Si pe urma Michael rupandu-si sufletul pe-acolo cu flacari si explozii si cutremure in spate. Si oameni chinuiti de soarta. Aia are haine rupte si jegoase pe ea, dar are cercei frumosi =)))))))))) Cum?!?!?!?
Ok, par idioata. Paaaa
Am realizat mai devreme ca nu ma mai inteleg cu mama prea bine. Bine, niciodata nu am avut prea multe in comun si ne-am tot certat dar acum parca ma afecteaza mai mult. Stiu ca e greu sa comunici pe net cu anumite persoane. Pur si simplu NU MERGE. Te enervezi mereu. Dar aici e altceva. Mereu e atenta la tot felul de chestii care o intereseaza pe moment si cand e din nou atenta la mine ma intreaba daca m-am trezit de dimineata ca sa invat si daca am invatat si sa invat si bla bla bla. Aceeasi faza mereu. Si ma streseaza foarte tare. Incerc sa o inteleg si sa ma pun in locul ei, dar...ahhh ma-sa. Cred ca trebuie sa fac vreo terapie ceva. Sunt asa nervoasa acum! Mi-e cald.
Deschid geamul, nu mai suport. Acum ar putea intra lilieci in camera sau alte fiinte zburatoare. Sinistru. Daca ar intra, primul lucru de care s-ar izbi ar fi bratul meu stang sau capul meu. Foarte sinistru. Da. Si idiotul ala....CUM ISI PERMITE SA MA ATINGA in general?!?!?! Nu te cunosc destul de bine, NU MA ATINGI, clar? Mai ales daca ai intentia sa imi dai una "amiceste". Du-te-n pizda ma-ti, n-am chef sa iti mutilez fata aia cretina pt ca ma murdaresc pe urma.
Ma scuzati. Sunt cam frustrata, cred. Ma irita treaba cu mama. Cu tata vorbesc in fiecare zi si mereu e interesant. Discutam, e atent la mine. Ma asculta, si il ascult si eu la randul meu. Totul decurge NORMAL. Dar cu mama de nicio culoare. Pfoai cat ma intristeaza chestia asta. Imi vine sa plang. Si nu stiu ce sa fac acum ca mi-am amintit de cursurile alea tampite de Präsentation und Kommunikation. De ce ma-sa au fost puse in martie??? Si de ce pt ca numele meu incepe cu N, trebuie sa vin o data la inceputul lunii, si altadata la sfarsit??? Si ceilalti vin normal, doua zile la rand sau asa. Adica trebuie sa-mi sacrific toata vacanta pt jegul asta?!?!?! Iubesc melodia asta. Human. Mi-e frig si cald. Imi vine sa urlu la monitor :)). Ultima oara cand m-am simtit asa era dupa ce am vorbit cu sclava aia de la Human Resources. Ba nu. Atunci eram complet distrusa si determinata sa ma tai cu primul obiect ascutit care era la indemana. It never gets old. Cred ca as fi in stare sa ma tai non stop. Frate. Nu e bine. Daca indrazneste care sa-mi zica EMO, ii spintec fata. Daca vreti sa ma faceti ceva de genul asta, folositi un cuvant mai clasic, da? Nu cum e cretinitatea aia de "chill" sau mai stiu eu ce cuvant idiot care nici macar nu e CORECT in limba din care provine. Adica sensul care ii e dat in prezent nu e corect.
:(((((((((((((((((( AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
New York o suge bine, sunt sigura. Ma refer la gagica aia idioata de pe MTV care a ajuns vedeata de la emisiunea aia retardata, Flavor of Love nush cat. Ala nu o sa-si gaseasca o femeie niciodata, la cat de borat e. Lasa-te bai, ca nu vrea nimeni sa-ti vada mecla obosita la televizor. Si cu stilul ala vestimentar, poti sa te arunci singur la gunoi.
"Halt die Klappe und blute!". Pffff. Ce panarama. Replica de doi bani. Nici nu vreau sa ma uit la filmul ala. Urasc filmele cu gagici care se dau mari luptatoare. Siiiiiiiiiigur ca o slabatura de 1,60 poate face praf 7 barbati de doua ori cat ea si luptatori profesionisti. Lasa-ti-ma cu vrajelile astea.
Cred ca daca as vedea un vampir acum, i-as da o palma si m-as duce sa ma culc. Nu scriu de ce, sunt prea multe chestii de spus dar acum chiar m-am saturat de ei. Ce e mai departe de Twilight nu imi place. Nu ar fi trebuit sa ma uit si la altceva. Twilight e exact pe gustul meu. Restul ma deprima incredibil de mult. Ce ma-sa e asta? Jackass? Vai, ce idioti. Imi si imaginez ce fete au nemtii care se uita la asa ceva. Toti arata la fel. LOL, Michael Jackson. Cand e un ipse sau el, nu stiu si pune mana pe trunchiul unui copac si pe urma din partea cealalta e unul cu o sabie si vrea sa ii taie mana =))))))))))))))). Aia a fost secventa pe care am vazut-o cand am schimbat canalul. O mana pe un copac si pe urma o sabie din partea cealalta si cum ala isi trage mana. Si pe urma Michael rupandu-si sufletul pe-acolo cu flacari si explozii si cutremure in spate. Si oameni chinuiti de soarta. Aia are haine rupte si jegoase pe ea, dar are cercei frumosi =)))))))))) Cum?!?!?!?
Ok, par idioata. Paaaa
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