Beautiful Things....

Oh GOD, when was this? When? 2006? Is it ok, is it normal to hear a random song that you used to listen to years ago or I don't know and then to burst into tears? I mean, why is it like this? It's not a happy song. But it's an optimistic one. No matter how happy the song is, the moment I realize it's part of my past, my heart breaks. And I feel so horrible, I want it to stop.... it's as if the past isn't part of me anymore...I'm only a mere person standing aside and watching everything happen. It scares me. Why? I really need answers to this one. It's been bothering me my whole life but everyone I talk to about it (mostly in a "ha-ha I've heard this song today and I bursted into tears and fell to the floor...everyone has that, right? hahahha" kind of way) doesn't seem to understand me. Imma go eat my tortellinis now.

Desperation

Don't you just hate it when you remember some people you used to hang out with or just see on a regular basis, but you didn't really know them. I mean, you knew their first name and what they do or where they come from and you would exchange some random insignificant words with them. But you would always be fascinated by them and think that they would never be interested in you and that they don't even know you exist. You're like everybody else to them and you don't even TRY to get closer to them and you keep on watching them from a distance....dreaming. And then, when it's too late and they're gone, you find out that they actually cared about you and felt the same way as you did. And they always noticed you. So once you find that out you FREAK OUT and try to find them but you arrive there at the wrong moment. Then your whole life changes and you drift away from your group of friends, everything just turns to dust and you move on. Years later you remember that person you used to desperately want to be closer to and try to find them and get in touch with them and you SUCCEED. But again, it's too late. It's so late that you just can't go back. Small talk, bad timing..fate? And so you wake up from time to time having flashbacks that only give you heartaches and zero hope.

I still want you back

RIGHT NOW I don't care about what people look like. I know this won't last long, but it's good that I could somehow bring myself to feeling this way. To stop being so judgmental all the time. It's like...life is suddenly a bit easier..lighter...more positive. I'm ashamed for being so mean all the time. Even though tomorrow I will have forgotten about this feeling, I know that I'll have it kept here in this blog for a while.

BTW, the title DOES have something to do with what I just wrote. It's not about the meaning of the words, but where they come from...umm..it's complicated.