I'm so tired!!!!!!!!!! Umm, I just wanted to say that I'm feeling OK now. Everything's good. I just exaggerate a lot. Emo bitch xD. I feel like listening to Slipknot. I am, actually. It goes perfectly well with I have no idea what. It's like a bit of fuel. Like my heart has stopped beating but now the rhythm of the music is replacing it. That's not the case but I feel like passing out any second even though I've slept for 12 hours again last night. I'm not proud of that. Nuh-uh. I really hate these vitamins. Nausea sux anus.
I keep having these silly dreams that have nothing to do with any part of my life or with each other.
I went to see Alexandra yesterday and met a work colleague of hers. It was pretty interesting to talk to him about our mentality and how he sees this country and how he feels here... I'm starting to change my life rhythm so it's always fascinating to remember some not so amusing facts about our wonderful country and its people.
I'm nothing like him (why do all of my paragraphs start with "I" ???!!? Hmm...I really should change that)... I'm not so fond of our traditional food, I don't care about eating meat everyday, I hate lamb meat, I HATE arguing with people on the street/bus/anywhere because I lose my temper pretty quickly and I don't like being mean to people, and I think that's about it. How can you feel better after having idiotic arguments with random people over some insignificant SHIT?!?! What's the point? Really now, do you want to die sooner? Ughghgh. Annoying.
In other news...umm Andreea is coming to Bucharest!! Yay!
I'm hungry. I'm gonna go eat some dead animals.
xoxo!!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
In Romania 7
How can I not be semi-depressed, when my dad tells me that every choice I made by myself in my life was wrong and that mom and him shouldn't have listened to me. And that I could be thinner and all that BULLSHIT that just eats me to the core. I don't know if he WANTS me to feel so horrible or if he just doesn't notice the effect it has on me. 'Cause after 10 minutes he starts making jokes and completely forgets about what he said before, while I'm dying a little inside. Lost 4 kg in these 2 weeks. I hate food, I hate anything that can make my body healthier. I just want to disappear.
"No one should listen to you." I can't take this anymore. I feel like screaming. I didn't see all this so complicated. Everything had a good end. I try this, it doesn't work out well, it's ok, I'll just try something else. It shouldn't be the end of the world. But the way he SAYS it...it really breaks my heart. I just...I want to go back to Düsseldorf. I like being alone sometimes. I need that right now. Actually I don't want to be alone. I just don't want to be with my parents. Apart from the mean things my dad sometimes tells me, I know that my mom is worried because of the life I'm living atm. Oh well, fuck it :).
I have to go meet my friend at her workplace. A little distraction is EXACTLY what I need right now. But I'm still so tired. I've slept 13 hours since yesterday. That's too much. Like I said. I'm pretty much fucked up right now. And for NO GOOD REASON at ALL.
I don't know what to say. I have my happy moments in between but then I start worrying about them too! Damn it :). It will all work out well in the end though, I'm sure. No one has ever died from things like these before. My body is still trying to fix itself from those stupid antibiotics. And the lack of sleep. And alcohol. And cigarettes. Yeah. So...
xoxo
"No one should listen to you." I can't take this anymore. I feel like screaming. I didn't see all this so complicated. Everything had a good end. I try this, it doesn't work out well, it's ok, I'll just try something else. It shouldn't be the end of the world. But the way he SAYS it...it really breaks my heart. I just...I want to go back to Düsseldorf. I like being alone sometimes. I need that right now. Actually I don't want to be alone. I just don't want to be with my parents. Apart from the mean things my dad sometimes tells me, I know that my mom is worried because of the life I'm living atm. Oh well, fuck it :).
I have to go meet my friend at her workplace. A little distraction is EXACTLY what I need right now. But I'm still so tired. I've slept 13 hours since yesterday. That's too much. Like I said. I'm pretty much fucked up right now. And for NO GOOD REASON at ALL.
I don't know what to say. I have my happy moments in between but then I start worrying about them too! Damn it :). It will all work out well in the end though, I'm sure. No one has ever died from things like these before. My body is still trying to fix itself from those stupid antibiotics. And the lack of sleep. And alcohol. And cigarettes. Yeah. So...
xoxo
Saturday, March 21, 2009
In Romania 6 : Mor? =)
Aaaa nu stiu ce sa zic! Ma simt ca un copil idiot :)). Am fost ieri in El Comandante. Mi-era dor de muzica aia...Hmm...da. Trebuie neaparat sa ma intalnesc azi cu Alexandra. Dar nu cred ca o sa fac asta. As vrea sa vorbesc doar cu ea...nu am cu cine altcineva sa vorbesc. Sigur, cu Rodica as putea dar nu e aici :(. Lalallalala.
I ADORE the Killers. :))))) Nothing new. Bla bla. Nu stiu ce sa ziiiiic. Pt ca am multe de zis dar nu pot sa scriu. Nu vreau sa stie toata lumea. Dar as vrea sa get it off my chest. Destiny is calling me xD
Il vreau pe Edward. Forever and ever and ever and ever. De ce nu exista asa ceva?! Nah, habar n-am. URASC situatiile de genul asta. He takes off her dress now..let me go....... Ufi pufi.
Da, de fapt vroiam sa zic ca urasc situatiile previzibile. De fapt nu era nimic previzibil. Pfff nu pot sa ma exprim deloc!!! Mi-e frica pentru ca nu vreau sa ajunga sa imi placa prea mult de el. Sunt egoista, stiu, dar chiar nu vreau sa sufar. Parca tot nu pot avea incredere in el. Ma rog, il stiu de 2 zile hahahhahaha. Ce ciudat!!!!!! WTF?! Daca stau bine sa ma gandesc...Da. Nu inteleg nimic. Totul se misca prea repede. Si in general, cand se misca repede, e de scurta durata. *sniff* INCERC sa fiu optimista! Dar mi-e din ce in ce mai greu. Nu am mancat azi. Nici nu prea am baut apa. Ma simt asa ciudat. LMFAO sunt indragostita. Nah. Nu cred ca sunt. Ar fi stupid din partea mea sa ma simt asa dupa doar doua zile. Right? :-s
Trebuie sa-mi fac bagajul. O sa fie interesant. Nu vrea sa iasa din creierul meu!!! AAA nu mai suport! Chiar ma intristeaza chestia asta. *sigh*
xoxo
I ADORE the Killers. :))))) Nothing new. Bla bla. Nu stiu ce sa ziiiiic. Pt ca am multe de zis dar nu pot sa scriu. Nu vreau sa stie toata lumea. Dar as vrea sa get it off my chest. Destiny is calling me xD
Il vreau pe Edward. Forever and ever and ever and ever. De ce nu exista asa ceva?! Nah, habar n-am. URASC situatiile de genul asta. He takes off her dress now..let me go....... Ufi pufi.
Da, de fapt vroiam sa zic ca urasc situatiile previzibile. De fapt nu era nimic previzibil. Pfff nu pot sa ma exprim deloc!!! Mi-e frica pentru ca nu vreau sa ajunga sa imi placa prea mult de el. Sunt egoista, stiu, dar chiar nu vreau sa sufar. Parca tot nu pot avea incredere in el. Ma rog, il stiu de 2 zile hahahhahaha. Ce ciudat!!!!!! WTF?! Daca stau bine sa ma gandesc...Da. Nu inteleg nimic. Totul se misca prea repede. Si in general, cand se misca repede, e de scurta durata. *sniff* INCERC sa fiu optimista! Dar mi-e din ce in ce mai greu. Nu am mancat azi. Nici nu prea am baut apa. Ma simt asa ciudat. LMFAO sunt indragostita. Nah. Nu cred ca sunt. Ar fi stupid din partea mea sa ma simt asa dupa doar doua zile. Right? :-s
Trebuie sa-mi fac bagajul. O sa fie interesant. Nu vrea sa iasa din creierul meu!!! AAA nu mai suport! Chiar ma intristeaza chestia asta. *sigh*
xoxo
Friday, March 20, 2009
In Romania 5 : Hmm
Deci pot sa jur ca e 12th grade all over again. Pfoai, groaznic. Alice moments all the time. 24 Martie 2007 ...atunci m-am hotarat sa devin vegetariana :)). Tot cam in aceeasi perioada. Party ieri.
Drama, baby, drama. :)))
Drama, baby, drama. :)))
Thursday, March 19, 2009
In Romania 4 : LUV
I'm so happy!
I don't know why. I mean I know why but it's weird. I was sooo sad and I decided to call Stefan because I didn't answer his calls the past few days (yeah, I'm an asshole, I know :< ) and he asked me if I wanted to go out with him and his sister and some friends of hers and some people from other countries and I'm so happy to be able to do something else than just watch TV or something like that. That sounds so sad. I can go out every day if I want to, but yeah, I just didn't. I needed some kind of break from the outside world. I wanted to spend some quality time with my dear parents. But now I need some time to socialize. I missed going to a club and dancing and acting like an idiot around people I don't know so well. I LOVE the Killers. They complete my life atm.
Lalallalala. I don't know what to tyyype I just feel like singing along(I'm listening to the Killers) and dancing. I can't wait to get dressed and make myself pretty. I've missed that too. Spending hours in front of the mirror getting mad for not being able to pull out an awesome make-up and then looking at the whole package and thinking OMG I look fat like this. Bleah. Hmm whatever. No one will think that way. And if I'm a fun person, it's gonna be a good distraction from my chubby areas. Having a bigger ass is good for boys xDDD. OK I'm not always thinking that way. I'm exaggerating. But I've missed being ready to go out and thinking. Wow. I look better than usual now.
I need to upgrade my mood. Make it hyper happy. I'm almost there. But I can't really act the way I want because my parents will think that I'm WEIRD and abnormally excited. But in Germany I would dance and do my warm-up. Sort of. YAY I'm gonna wear high heels. I've missed that too.
I love Lady Gaga as well. I love her songs. But the club I'm going to won't play music like this. SADLY. It's gonna be boring house music. The one no one's ever heard of. People can't dance too well to music they don't know. It's those songs you just ADORE that you start woo-ing and dancing like a rockstar to. Those are the songs that make you sparkle like Edward Cullen in the sunlight hahahahha. Without the sound effect.
Can't read my can't read my no he can't read my poker face.... lallalalallalalallalallla
I don't know why. I mean I know why but it's weird. I was sooo sad and I decided to call Stefan because I didn't answer his calls the past few days (yeah, I'm an asshole, I know :< ) and he asked me if I wanted to go out with him and his sister and some friends of hers and some people from other countries and I'm so happy to be able to do something else than just watch TV or something like that. That sounds so sad. I can go out every day if I want to, but yeah, I just didn't. I needed some kind of break from the outside world. I wanted to spend some quality time with my dear parents. But now I need some time to socialize. I missed going to a club and dancing and acting like an idiot around people I don't know so well. I LOVE the Killers. They complete my life atm.
Lalallalala. I don't know what to tyyype I just feel like singing along(I'm listening to the Killers) and dancing. I can't wait to get dressed and make myself pretty. I've missed that too. Spending hours in front of the mirror getting mad for not being able to pull out an awesome make-up and then looking at the whole package and thinking OMG I look fat like this. Bleah. Hmm whatever. No one will think that way. And if I'm a fun person, it's gonna be a good distraction from my chubby areas. Having a bigger ass is good for boys xDDD. OK I'm not always thinking that way. I'm exaggerating. But I've missed being ready to go out and thinking. Wow. I look better than usual now.
I need to upgrade my mood. Make it hyper happy. I'm almost there. But I can't really act the way I want because my parents will think that I'm WEIRD and abnormally excited. But in Germany I would dance and do my warm-up. Sort of. YAY I'm gonna wear high heels. I've missed that too.
I love Lady Gaga as well. I love her songs. But the club I'm going to won't play music like this. SADLY. It's gonna be boring house music. The one no one's ever heard of. People can't dance too well to music they don't know. It's those songs you just ADORE that you start woo-ing and dancing like a rockstar to. Those are the songs that make you sparkle like Edward Cullen in the sunlight hahahahha. Without the sound effect.
Can't read my can't read my no he can't read my poker face.... lallalalallalalallalallla
In Romania 3 : I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO BE IMMORTAL!!! :<<<
Daca viata tot e atat de scurta si OMG NINGE. Nu-mi place cand mi se distrage atentia. Incerc sa fiu serioasa aici. Cum spuneam, daca viata tot e atat de scurta si fara importanta in acest univers infinit, macar sa incerc sa o fac cat mai placuta. Da, stiu ca 99% din populatia lumii se gandeste la chestia asta uneori, dar nu ma refer la ideea ca de acum incolo o sa ma comport ca o nebuna doar pentru ca asa am chef sau mai stiu eu ce. Nu vreau sa ma exprim corect sau frumos in acest blog asa ca nu ma judecati. Da, vreau sa devin vegetariana din nou. Cred ca imi vine ciclul. Sunt din ce in ce mai emotiva incepand de ieri. Azi m-a lovit asa ca un pumn urias. Nu stiu ce m-a apucat. Dar am analizat toata treaba asta si am ajuns la concluzia ca pot sa traiesc asa. Nu stiu daca o sa pot sa renunt complet la lactate (mai ales pt ca se afla in multe produse z.B. cookies!! <3) dar la carne da. I did it before si nu am patit nimic. Nu m-am imbolnavit, nu nimic. Chiar nu sunt in stare sa ma controlez? Trebuie sa fiu un monstru? Sunt om, am un anumit nivel de inteligenta. Am posibilitatea de a alege calea cea mai curata. Nu o sa devin o sfanta niciodata. Asta e clar. Dar daca vine vorba de mancare, macar as putea sa renunt sa vad niste cadavre de animale prajite sau fierte ca pe ceva gustos cand mi-e foame. Oribil.
In afara de asta nu prea vreau sa spun nimic. Nu incerc sa sustin niciun punct de vedere, nu vreau sa demonstrez ceva, nu vreau sa faca si altii ca mine, nu ma intereseaza. Fiecare traieste cum vrea. Astept sa imi treaca starea asta inutila. Ce rost are sa analizezi viata si soarta si toata chestiile astea complicate sau simple, depinzand de felul in care te simti pe moment.
Vreau sa fiu o vaca. Dar sa am norocul sa duc o viata cat de cat placuta. Ba nu. Vreau sa fiu o pisica. Macar asa stiu sigur ca nu o sa fiu crescuta de cineva care o sa aiba de gand sa ma taie sau sa ma mulga.
Dar nu vreau sa mor!! Imi amintesc cand eram oarecum dependenta de Myspace si il gasisem pe Jake Gyllenhaal(era profilul lui oficial, dar cred ca a fost sters acum, nu stiu) si era acolo la how do you want to die si el I DON'T WANNAAA! Asta era cand Heath Ledger inca mai traia. Si avea si el un profil dar evident, si ala a fost sters. Cine mai intra pe Myspace?! Da, imi pare rau.
Imi pare foarte rau. Ascult Hope si incerc sa nu ma gandesc ca o sa fie concert Anathema in Bucuresti. Daca ma gandesc la asta, turbez. Urlu, plang, ma dau cu capul de pereti si rup multe foi. I wanted to live forever. Mi-e somn. Ma culc putin.
Nu e chiar asa de rau. Ma simt mai bine acum. A trecut ceva timp(cateva minute/ore). Era normal sa imi revin.
PAAAA
In afara de asta nu prea vreau sa spun nimic. Nu incerc sa sustin niciun punct de vedere, nu vreau sa demonstrez ceva, nu vreau sa faca si altii ca mine, nu ma intereseaza. Fiecare traieste cum vrea. Astept sa imi treaca starea asta inutila. Ce rost are sa analizezi viata si soarta si toata chestiile astea complicate sau simple, depinzand de felul in care te simti pe moment.
Vreau sa fiu o vaca. Dar sa am norocul sa duc o viata cat de cat placuta. Ba nu. Vreau sa fiu o pisica. Macar asa stiu sigur ca nu o sa fiu crescuta de cineva care o sa aiba de gand sa ma taie sau sa ma mulga.
Dar nu vreau sa mor!! Imi amintesc cand eram oarecum dependenta de Myspace si il gasisem pe Jake Gyllenhaal(era profilul lui oficial, dar cred ca a fost sters acum, nu stiu) si era acolo la how do you want to die si el I DON'T WANNAAA! Asta era cand Heath Ledger inca mai traia. Si avea si el un profil dar evident, si ala a fost sters. Cine mai intra pe Myspace?! Da, imi pare rau.
Imi pare foarte rau. Ascult Hope si incerc sa nu ma gandesc ca o sa fie concert Anathema in Bucuresti. Daca ma gandesc la asta, turbez. Urlu, plang, ma dau cu capul de pereti si rup multe foi. I wanted to live forever. Mi-e somn. Ma culc putin.
Nu e chiar asa de rau. Ma simt mai bine acum. A trecut ceva timp(cateva minute/ore). Era normal sa imi revin.
PAAAA
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
In Romania 2
OMG I'm going to my high school tomorrow! I'm SO excited. I hope it's going to be sunny...and that Alex will come with me. If that doesn't happen, it's gonna SUCK. OMGOMG :D
I felt strange today while I was in the car with dad. As I observed new shops and stuff on the boulevard, I had a super strong feeling of deja vu. It was like 12th grade all over again. I was feeling spring the way I used to 2 years ago. And I was thinking of Mihnea. I think about him too much since I've come home. Gah. I even have dreams about him sometimes. How frustrating. I'm sure most of the things I feel and imagine are exaggerated. Haha well at least it's like dreaming of a movie star or a fictional character. They all have a simple mortal root. So there's no difference there. Writing that, I'm feeling better. I was getting a bit worried. I don't know if I make sense anymore because the music I'm listening to is too loud and I can't concentrate at all. I can't hear my thoughts.
Finished Eclipse. It was such a wise decision to re-read the books. I feel like I'm reading them for the first time. First time I've skipped lots of parts because I was too anxious to find out what was going to happen next and if Bella would finally be turned into a vampire and bla bla and then Jacob appeared and I was like ew, he's a wolf man. He must smell funny. Dogs smell. LMFAO. But now I paid more attention and I don't have anything against him anymore. I wuv him too. Not as much as the lovely and perfect Edward, but he's important as well.
I'm gonna marry this song. "Spaceman" - The Killers
Oh look! A chewing gum. Yesterday I got hit by revelations from all directions. It was too much. I thought I was gonna explode. This world is too crowded with ideas and already invented things. Too many books, too much music, too many other things that YOU and I will never ever know because we don't have time! EEEEK!
OMG really now, if there's a thing out there that is immortal and can make people immortal as well, PLEASE contact me! I BEG YOU! I don't want to die too soon.
Leaving that aside, I might start going on a different path. I just have to figure out what suits me best. I should talk to Hiltscher. He was pretty disappointed when I told him that I wanted to study economics. What would he want me to study? Life is too short to regret failing at stuff. Fuck it. As long as I didn't TRULY waste my time living on the couch and eating FAT it was somehow worth it.
I feel like typing the lyrics that I'm hearing. Grrr. Annoying. *sigh* I was thinking about Robert Pattinson looking all OMG ok I won't say anything about him. I'm not a weird psycho twimom or something. Ew. Mom. I don't want to know who the father of my children will be. I hope he'll be gorgeous. And immortal. LMFAO. Yeah, he'll def be immortal. Duh. Pff. I'm such an idiot.
I wanna be like Alice. No. I'll never be like her. Because it's physically impossible. I'm like a freakin handicapped horse compared to her. I'm too tall and too fat to be like her and I'm not gracious AT ALL. And I can't dance. And I'm lazy. I don't want to be like anyone. Because I can't :(. OH but I can!
Don't judge! Let me have my moments. I just LOVE them. I love to obsess over someone for a short period of time and try to be like them until I get bored. And then I think it all gets mixed up and I end up being myself over and over again.
I'm sleepy and I need to pee.
BYE!
xoxo
PS. Oh, I LOVE Benny Kieckhäben!!! <3333 (He's gay, btw. No one has replaced Edward Cullen yet, don't worry.)
I felt strange today while I was in the car with dad. As I observed new shops and stuff on the boulevard, I had a super strong feeling of deja vu. It was like 12th grade all over again. I was feeling spring the way I used to 2 years ago. And I was thinking of Mihnea. I think about him too much since I've come home. Gah. I even have dreams about him sometimes. How frustrating. I'm sure most of the things I feel and imagine are exaggerated. Haha well at least it's like dreaming of a movie star or a fictional character. They all have a simple mortal root. So there's no difference there. Writing that, I'm feeling better. I was getting a bit worried. I don't know if I make sense anymore because the music I'm listening to is too loud and I can't concentrate at all. I can't hear my thoughts.
Finished Eclipse. It was such a wise decision to re-read the books. I feel like I'm reading them for the first time. First time I've skipped lots of parts because I was too anxious to find out what was going to happen next and if Bella would finally be turned into a vampire and bla bla and then Jacob appeared and I was like ew, he's a wolf man. He must smell funny. Dogs smell. LMFAO. But now I paid more attention and I don't have anything against him anymore. I wuv him too. Not as much as the lovely and perfect Edward, but he's important as well.
I'm gonna marry this song. "Spaceman" - The Killers
Oh look! A chewing gum. Yesterday I got hit by revelations from all directions. It was too much. I thought I was gonna explode. This world is too crowded with ideas and already invented things. Too many books, too much music, too many other things that YOU and I will never ever know because we don't have time! EEEEK!
OMG really now, if there's a thing out there that is immortal and can make people immortal as well, PLEASE contact me! I BEG YOU! I don't want to die too soon.
Leaving that aside, I might start going on a different path. I just have to figure out what suits me best. I should talk to Hiltscher. He was pretty disappointed when I told him that I wanted to study economics. What would he want me to study? Life is too short to regret failing at stuff. Fuck it. As long as I didn't TRULY waste my time living on the couch and eating FAT it was somehow worth it.
I feel like typing the lyrics that I'm hearing. Grrr. Annoying. *sigh* I was thinking about Robert Pattinson looking all OMG ok I won't say anything about him. I'm not a weird psycho twimom or something. Ew. Mom. I don't want to know who the father of my children will be. I hope he'll be gorgeous. And immortal. LMFAO. Yeah, he'll def be immortal. Duh. Pff. I'm such an idiot.
I wanna be like Alice. No. I'll never be like her. Because it's physically impossible. I'm like a freakin handicapped horse compared to her. I'm too tall and too fat to be like her and I'm not gracious AT ALL. And I can't dance. And I'm lazy. I don't want to be like anyone. Because I can't :(. OH but I can!
Don't judge! Let me have my moments. I just LOVE them. I love to obsess over someone for a short period of time and try to be like them until I get bored. And then I think it all gets mixed up and I end up being myself over and over again.
I'm sleepy and I need to pee.
BYE!
xoxo
PS. Oh, I LOVE Benny Kieckhäben!!! <3333 (He's gay, btw. No one has replaced Edward Cullen yet, don't worry.)
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