SLOW

Peaceful. Serene. Calm. Slow!

Now that's not a good thing to be.

I am somehow eager for the cold days to come, even though I'm aware of the fact that I have no proper clothes to keep me warm. Life and death, life and death, all the time. Oh, just make me immortal and stop messing around with my brain when I need to focus on the details of my existence on this fascinating planet.

I need to learn indifference, but I don't have time for that. 50 years are not enough. 50 years, if I'm lucky and sane.

I remember when I was little, I would cry before going to sleep and begging for my life to be taken away from me. I didn't want to accept the fact that I would grow old and die. I still don't want to accept it. I guess I never will. Who knows? We change our opinions all the time. Sometimes we love life and want to see the world and love and laugh and all those cheesy things and sometimes we hate everything and just want to die. Of course, we exaggerate and say things like "Oh, I wish someone would shoot me, stab me, beat me up to death, cut my head off, slaughter me, etc.", but I really think that anyone that suddenly wants to die, would prefer having a peaceful and short death, rather than a slow, painful one.

Ok, these thoughts and remarks are morbid. Nothing good for me there.

I want Edward Cullen to have wild sex with me. WHAT?! NO, ok no. Sorry. Because when I think about it, if that were to happen, I wouldn't last for max. 5 minutes. He would break my bones in a second and I would instantly be dead. No fun in there. So what I would really want would be to have wild sex with a human, that's exactly like Edward Cullen, or a vampire like him, that would agree to make me like him and bla bla bla bla bla bla. I'm a bit embarrassed now. Am I THAT desperate about him?

I was always fascinated by vampires, although I was always afraid of how complicated it would be to be one. But ever since reading those stupid Stephenie Meyer books, I've gone crazy. It's like all of a sudden, all vampires are nice creatures that might want to kill you but it's not that bad, because they have feelings too and they can fall in love with human beings. Well maybe they can, but what are the chances?!?!? Giving a vampire human feelings is very touchy, but not very realistic. We always love what we can't have.

So I'll stop typing and go back to my so-called reality:
"I'm hungry. I think I might eat something. No. I shouldn't. I'll get fat. You've seen those people in InTouch. Ana could be your friend. No. That's silly. Because when you start, you can't quit. I don't want that. Ok, maybe I'll eat something. But not too much. Oh look! I've lost 1kg! Great. That means i won't eat too much today. I have to study. Right, I'm going to my desk now and I'm going to study all day. What's on TV today? Oh, my favorite show! Joy. This will motivate me to study until then. Is there something new on HI5/Facebook/StudiVZ/YouTube/other annoying useless site? No...blah, everything is so boring. I should go look in the mirror. Does my face look thinner? Maybe if I suck my cheeks in a bit. Yeah, that looks good. Oh, look at my belly. Pfff I'm sure with sport it would go away but I'm too lazy. Sod it. I'll just continue eating less. TV is full of "How to lose weight if you're a fat-ass" shows. I hate you all. When is March going to be here? When is the New Moon trailer going to come out? I hate being patient. I should occupy my time with something else. When are my books going to be here? I have to do my Spanish homework. The exam results in French will be out the day after tomorrow. No joy. Will I get that job? What will happen if I do? I think I would like to smoke now. Cigarettes are so expensive. I don't know. Maybe I should drink another coffee. I forgot to take my vitamins today. It's so sunny outside. Maybe I should go out on the balcony and see if everything's alright in there. Maybe not. I have to go buy some food. But what do I want to eat? Except for stupid unhealthy things. Not much. Maybe the new ELLE is interesting. No, it's not. Let's see if there's a magazine here that has an article about Twilight or Robert Pattinson. Here's one about anorexia. That will do. I'm now going to go back home, eat something and then study. Good plan. If I were to be a vampire, would I be beautiful? I wish I would be one. But then it wouldn't be certain that I'll meet someone I'd fall in love with and be with forever and ever! I'd probably be alone all the time and learn to accept the fact that everyone will die. Maybe I'd turn Rodica into a vampire too. That would be comforting. I'd still like to become one. But only when I turn 25. I'd probably be extremely sad not to be able to have children. I'm really hungry now. I should get dressed. Is today saturday? Hmm tomorrow will be Harry Potter 3 on TV. Seen it a hundred times but it's more fun than any other stupid show that will be on at that hour."

Random thoughts, but 100% true.