Vitamine gretoase + mi-as fi dorit sa fie anemie si nu altceva ce include multe calorii

Again, panic attack!

Nu imi place senzatia!!!!
Dar acum stiu din ce cauza e. Ascult Nightwish. Nu am mai ascultat de foarte mult timp. Nightwish cu Tarja, desigur.

Si....in ultima vreme tot ma dau mare cu faptul ca m-am schimbat si bla bla vrajeli. Acum parca mi-am amintit de unde vin. Cum eram inainte, ce simteam atunci, cum gandeam. Toate sunt cam la fel. Dar am uitat pur si simplu.....si acum doare! Si nu inteleg de ce. Nu ar trebui sa fie asa.
Vreau sa lucrez undeva. Ma plictisesc. Maine facultate....nu imi place ca am doar 2 zile pe sapt.

Nu mai pot sa scriu. M-a luat ameteala. Mananc ca sparta dar am ameteli de vreo 2 zile. Am stat prea mult in fata laptopului. Clar. Gata, fuck you.


Toodles


PS. Acum imi dau seama ca fraza asta Mananc ca sparta dar am ameteli de vreo 2 zile suna de parca as fi gravida. Poate sunt!!! Chiar daca mi-a venit ciclul acum 2 sapt. =)))

29-01I59
26-28M60
25M58 ---yaaaaaaaaaay
24M5875
23M595
14-22M60
12,13M60
11M605
08-10M60
07M595
06M59
05M60
04M60
03M59
02M591500
01M5951200
30A601???
29A591000
28A5951090
27A601900

Ra.Un.Cl.So.Le.Pe.Br.Ni.Me.

Ach, ich liebe das. Dieser Tag ist perfekt. Ich brauche gar nichts mehr.

Frei und noch entspannt....

Oh. Ich muss was essen. Das hat gefehlt hahaha.

Ciao

Y control

Nu pot sa zic ca mi-am revenit total. Probabil ca suna stupid, dar m-a afectat totusi intr-un fel... Si am unele momente in care imi vine sa sparg ceva. Uneori am senzatia ca ma mint singura cand spun ca viata e frumoasa si vreau sa fiu libera si bla bla. In fine, nu includ VIATA in problema asta. Dar parca BRUSC dupa toata faza aia m-am schimbat foarte mult. Probabil ca nu se observa, dar eu simt. Nu prea ma mai recunosc. Nici macar cand ma uit in oglinda. E ceva nou...ceva ciudat. Sunt asa fraiera!!! Tipic, tipic, tipic. MA ROG. Am obosit.


Ciao

Oh boy.

So many things have happened since my last post, I don't know if I'm ever going to blog about it. It's been like living in the Gossip Girl world. Too much drama. Well now it should be over, apparently, though my life is currently taking a new turn so I guess exciting stuff won't escape me. I've become an alcoholic and a chain smoker. Haha not reaaally. I'm just trying to keep the bad energy inside my body and brain. It should be better to let it all out but nah, it's too hard. Everything is hard. I keep saying that I want to die. What a load of bullshit! Of course I don't want that! Yeah, I don't know what to say anymore. I just need a break. And continue avoiding to think. I'm stuck in a coma, stuck in a never ending sleep.

Life sucks and then you die. Who said that?!?! I would like to punch him/her in the face.

Da vrei ma reprezinta perfect in mom asta. Vreau sa ma dizolv intr-un pahar cu apa...

In Romania 8

I'm so tired!!!!!!!!!! Umm, I just wanted to say that I'm feeling OK now. Everything's good. I just exaggerate a lot. Emo bitch xD. I feel like listening to Slipknot. I am, actually. It goes perfectly well with I have no idea what. It's like a bit of fuel. Like my heart has stopped beating but now the rhythm of the music is replacing it. That's not the case but I feel like passing out any second even though I've slept for 12 hours again last night. I'm not proud of that. Nuh-uh. I really hate these vitamins. Nausea sux anus.

I keep having these silly dreams that have nothing to do with any part of my life or with each other.

I went to see Alexandra yesterday and met a work colleague of hers. It was pretty interesting to talk to him about our mentality and how he sees this country and how he feels here... I'm starting to change my life rhythm so it's always fascinating to remember some not so amusing facts about our wonderful country and its people.

I'm nothing like him (why do all of my paragraphs start with "I" ???!!? Hmm...I really should change that)... I'm not so fond of our traditional food, I don't care about eating meat everyday, I hate lamb meat, I HATE arguing with people on the street/bus/anywhere because I lose my temper pretty quickly and I don't like being mean to people, and I think that's about it. How can you feel better after having idiotic arguments with random people over some insignificant SHIT?!?! What's the point? Really now, do you want to die sooner? Ughghgh. Annoying.

In other news...umm Andreea is coming to Bucharest!! Yay!

I'm hungry. I'm gonna go eat some dead animals.

xoxo!!

In Romania 7

How can I not be semi-depressed, when my dad tells me that every choice I made by myself in my life was wrong and that mom and him shouldn't have listened to me. And that I could be thinner and all that BULLSHIT that just eats me to the core. I don't know if he WANTS me to feel so horrible or if he just doesn't notice the effect it has on me. 'Cause after 10 minutes he starts making jokes and completely forgets about what he said before, while I'm dying a little inside. Lost 4 kg in these 2 weeks. I hate food, I hate anything that can make my body healthier. I just want to disappear.

"No one should listen to you." I can't take this anymore. I feel like screaming. I didn't see all this so complicated. Everything had a good end. I try this, it doesn't work out well, it's ok, I'll just try something else. It shouldn't be the end of the world. But the way he SAYS it...it really breaks my heart. I just...I want to go back to Düsseldorf. I like being alone sometimes. I need that right now. Actually I don't want to be alone. I just don't want to be with my parents. Apart from the mean things my dad sometimes tells me, I know that my mom is worried because of the life I'm living atm. Oh well, fuck it :).

I have to go meet my friend at her workplace. A little distraction is EXACTLY what I need right now. But I'm still so tired. I've slept 13 hours since yesterday. That's too much. Like I said. I'm pretty much fucked up right now. And for NO GOOD REASON at ALL.

I don't know what to say. I have my happy moments in between but then I start worrying about them too! Damn it :). It will all work out well in the end though, I'm sure. No one has ever died from things like these before. My body is still trying to fix itself from those stupid antibiotics. And the lack of sleep. And alcohol. And cigarettes. Yeah. So...


xoxo

In Romania 6 : Mor? =)

Aaaa nu stiu ce sa zic! Ma simt ca un copil idiot :)). Am fost ieri in El Comandante. Mi-era dor de muzica aia...Hmm...da. Trebuie neaparat sa ma intalnesc azi cu Alexandra. Dar nu cred ca o sa fac asta. As vrea sa vorbesc doar cu ea...nu am cu cine altcineva sa vorbesc. Sigur, cu Rodica as putea dar nu e aici :(. Lalallalala.

I ADORE the Killers. :))))) Nothing new. Bla bla. Nu stiu ce sa ziiiiic. Pt ca am multe de zis dar nu pot sa scriu. Nu vreau sa stie toata lumea. Dar as vrea sa get it off my chest. Destiny is calling me xD

Il vreau pe Edward. Forever and ever and ever and ever. De ce nu exista asa ceva?! Nah, habar n-am. URASC situatiile de genul asta. He takes off her dress now..let me go....... Ufi pufi.

Da, de fapt vroiam sa zic ca urasc situatiile previzibile. De fapt nu era nimic previzibil. Pfff nu pot sa ma exprim deloc!!! Mi-e frica pentru ca nu vreau sa ajunga sa imi placa prea mult de el. Sunt egoista, stiu, dar chiar nu vreau sa sufar. Parca tot nu pot avea incredere in el. Ma rog, il stiu de 2 zile hahahhahaha. Ce ciudat!!!!!! WTF?! Daca stau bine sa ma gandesc...Da. Nu inteleg nimic. Totul se misca prea repede. Si in general, cand se misca repede, e de scurta durata. *sniff* INCERC sa fiu optimista! Dar mi-e din ce in ce mai greu. Nu am mancat azi. Nici nu prea am baut apa. Ma simt asa ciudat. LMFAO sunt indragostita. Nah. Nu cred ca sunt. Ar fi stupid din partea mea sa ma simt asa dupa doar doua zile. Right? :-s

Trebuie sa-mi fac bagajul. O sa fie interesant. Nu vrea sa iasa din creierul meu!!! AAA nu mai suport! Chiar ma intristeaza chestia asta. *sigh*


xoxo

In Romania 5 : Hmm

Deci pot sa jur ca e 12th grade all over again. Pfoai, groaznic. Alice moments all the time. 24 Martie 2007 ...atunci m-am hotarat sa devin vegetariana :)). Tot cam in aceeasi perioada. Party ieri.

Drama, baby, drama. :)))

In Romania 4 : LUV

I'm so happy!

I don't know why. I mean I know why but it's weird. I was sooo sad and I decided to call Stefan because I didn't answer his calls the past few days (yeah, I'm an asshole, I know :< ) and he asked me if I wanted to go out with him and his sister and some friends of hers and some people from other countries and I'm so happy to be able to do something else than just watch TV or something like that. That sounds so sad. I can go out every day if I want to, but yeah, I just didn't. I needed some kind of break from the outside world. I wanted to spend some quality time with my dear parents. But now I need some time to socialize. I missed going to a club and dancing and acting like an idiot around people I don't know so well. I LOVE the Killers. They complete my life atm.

Lalallalala. I don't know what to tyyype I just feel like singing along(I'm listening to the Killers) and dancing. I can't wait to get dressed and make myself pretty. I've missed that too. Spending hours in front of the mirror getting mad for not being able to pull out an awesome make-up and then looking at the whole package and thinking OMG I look fat like this. Bleah. Hmm whatever. No one will think that way. And if I'm a fun person, it's gonna be a good distraction from my chubby areas. Having a bigger ass is good for boys xDDD. OK I'm not always thinking that way. I'm exaggerating. But I've missed being ready to go out and thinking. Wow. I look better than usual now.

I need to upgrade my mood. Make it hyper happy. I'm almost there. But I can't really act the way I want because my parents will think that I'm WEIRD and abnormally excited. But in Germany I would dance and do my warm-up. Sort of. YAY I'm gonna wear high heels. I've missed that too.

I love Lady Gaga as well. I love her songs. But the club I'm going to won't play music like this. SADLY. It's gonna be boring house music. The one no one's ever heard of. People can't dance too well to music they don't know. It's those songs you just ADORE that you start woo-ing and dancing like a rockstar to. Those are the songs that make you sparkle like Edward Cullen in the sunlight hahahahha. Without the sound effect.

Can't read my can't read my no he can't read my poker face.... lallalalallalalallalallla