Nu mai pot. Trebuie sa scriu sau ceva, nu stiu, vreau sa scap de toate senzatiile astea. In decursul a 5 minute trec prin toate starile posibile. Ma gandesc la ceva, imi vine sa plang, pe urma se intampla ceva pozitiv dar totusi ciudat si imi vine sa zambesc pe urma imi amintesc ca nu pot sa am incredere si ma intristez din nou pe urma imi vine sa rad din cauza nu stiu carei situatii si imi amintesc de o gramada de lucruri pe care trebuie sa le rezolv si tot asa. Ma simt ca o vaza usor crapata. Totul se misca prea repede. Sunt putin entuziasmata acum. Dar in acelasi timp ma simt ca si cand m-as fi despartit de cineva la care tineam extrem de mult. Acum mi-a trecut pt ca m-am uitat putin la Rock of Love 29745092592. Best brain washing show ever. Imi vine sa le macelaresc pe alea. Si lui Bret Michaels sa-i mutilez organul genital.

Confusing love with fascination. I have to cut my fingernails. "Du siehst so gepflegt aus." Ewwwwwwww fucking PERV. I need Kippen. I don't know what to do. Should I go buy some or just make something to eat and try to forget about it or both? Let me have a look inside my wallet.

Desperation

Don't you just hate it when you remember some people you used to hang out with or just see on a regular basis, but you didn't really know them. I mean, you knew their first name and what they do or where they come from and you would exchange some random insignificant words with them. But you would always be fascinated by them and think that they would never be interested in you and that they don't even know you exist. You're like everybody else to them and you don't even TRY to get closer to them and you keep on watching them from a distance....dreaming. And then, when it's too late and they're gone, you find out that they actually cared about you and felt the same way as you did. And they always noticed you. So once you find that out you FREAK OUT and try to find them but you arrive there at the wrong moment. Then your whole life changes and you drift away from your group of friends, everything just turns to dust and you move on. Years later you remember that person you used to desperately want to be closer to and try to find them and get in touch with them and you SUCCEED. But again, it's too late. It's so late that you just can't go back. Small talk, bad timing..fate? And so you wake up from time to time having flashbacks that only give you heartaches and zero hope.

Let's all burn in heaven.

I don't get it. I HONESTLY don't get it. What is wrong with you people??? 5 more years! FIVE MORE FUCKING YEARS! Do you know what that means? Don't you want a change? Why are you so afraid? Why are you so comfortable? You ignorants! You are just a bunch of lazy ass ignorants! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU with all my grey little heart! I'm starting to truly believe that I was born in the wrong time period. I'm so sorry for my parents. I don't think they'll ever get to live through better times. How can you try to see a bright future in front of you when you're constantly haunted by your home country and the shit that's going on in there. It's not like there's nobody fighting for the right thing, it's just that they don't have enough power to do so. And we don't seem to be confident enough. We're afraid to take chances, to risk. "What's the point? We'll still lose anyway..." Yeah. Nice way of thinking, asshole. I'm sick of feeling sad. But I guess I'll have to get used to this. I think the fact that the world is beautiful is just an illusion. It's just a dream.

I still want you back

RIGHT NOW I don't care about what people look like. I know this won't last long, but it's good that I could somehow bring myself to feeling this way. To stop being so judgmental all the time. It's like...life is suddenly a bit easier..lighter...more positive. I'm ashamed for being so mean all the time. Even though tomorrow I will have forgotten about this feeling, I know that I'll have it kept here in this blog for a while.

BTW, the title DOES have something to do with what I just wrote. It's not about the meaning of the words, but where they come from...umm..it's complicated.

"Dating an older woman. HOT!"

Hahhahaha I love Emmett! (the title is from the latest New Moon clip. I posted it in here)


Apart from that I recently came across another TV series involving vampires. At first I was skeptical, but then I became addicted! It's called The Vampire Diaries and it's made after a series of novels written by L.J. Smith. BTW, these came out before Twilight, but the stories are somewhat similar. Actually no. L.J.'s story is EXTREMELY complicated. Somehow crowded. The 6th novel in this series will be out in March 2010. If you don't live in the US and want to watch the episodes (this week the 7th episode of the 1st season came out), go to http://www.sidereel.com/Vampire_Diaries .


Here's the extended trailer. It's mostly made out of scenes from the pilot.

I know, it looks boring and sooo last summer but it's not. There are always unexpected things happening.

Lucifer is in my pants but I want Mike Patton instead

I don't think I should be writing/typing stuff in here right now. But I just can't get rid of this feeling that I'm about to lose something, that I'm about to fall hard. It's getting stronger day by day. !!! I'm having panic attacks from seeing that dead house cricket from yesterday in my head! I'm such an IDIOT! And apart from that, I should be focusing on other things right now. I just remembered that Monday in Spanish we were listening to a song and we had to say which picture goes with which verse, etc. and there was this drawing of the face of a guy and on his forehead (as to show what's in his head) was a grasshopper!! Maybe it's a sign. Brrr. Scary. I still want to marry Mike Patton. It's almost November. Joy. I want time to pass. Even though I know that I'm getting closer and closer to the day I'll die. I don't know what I want. Wait I have to finish this assignment. It's ridiculous that I've been working on it for almost 2 hours. COME ON! I'm so slow lately.

E groaznic cand sunt singura in birou!!! Oh, de ce scriu in romana? =))))

Sorry, I'm still trying to learn to switch my brain from German to English directly. I guess it's never going to work. Oh well. Romanian is my #1 love no matter what. One of them. Oh. A colleague of mine is coming to the office. Joy. I think. De fapt prefer sa fiu singura decat sa fiu cu ala aici. In fine. Yeah so I'll stop and get something to drink and think about what I want to eat later. And continue working of course. LALALALA. An "L" person loves me (because it's 12:00 PM). Lucifer. Nice. Lestat. Lucius. Leprechaun. Lesbian. Lawrence. xD

WTH should I type in here?

First of all, I will NOT try to type corectly today. So if you see more mistakes than usual, it's because I'm taking too many language courses atm and because I'm SO BORED I could kill a squirrel.


Even though I hate parts of my trip to Romania from last Spring, there are some nice ones that are stuck inside my head. They are so peaceful and beautiful... I remember...one morning. It was 6 AM and I couldn't sleep any longer so I turned on my computer and started watching the first season of The City. Ah, how I love sunny mornings! That show made me feel so confident about my future and everyone in it looked so good and was so fashionable and stuff (I know it's typicall for an MTV show, but I'm not focusing on that). And then I started watching The Vampire Knight. It's an anime thingy. I had only watched 2 other animes before: Sailor Moon and something with a volleyball player...let me google it...OH Attack No. 1! Ok, I had no idea. Anyway I was very young back then. Vampire Knight...I LOVED that anime. And the intro songs :))). I want to start watching it again. It takes me back to those pleasant moments... My hair was longer, I was starting to lose weight, and I was very happy because of some random IDIOT (if I see him again, I'll grab the first rock I see and break his teeth with it). Good times. I think I remember that period of time with lightness and postivity because after that I entered this MAJOR depression. I'm still not out of it. FUCK.
I love Italian. No matter what the teacher says to me.

I just heard a woman screaming somewhere outside.

Ok. If you're not in my Facebook friends list, then you're probably thinking that I've died. Which is not far from the truth, but still not so exact. Uni will (officially) start on Monday. Oh how exciting!

In the past 2-3 months I've been working, thinking, reading, smoking, drinking, listening to a lot of avant-garde music and watching amazing and weird ass movies. I'm trying to expand my artistic abilities. That's it really. My place is a mess. Didn't get the chance to clean it up properly in a while. I've been too busy meditating.

00:00 Now I'll be eaten by angry ghosts with long fingernails and white eyes while imaginary blood is dripping from their long white slightly ripped dresses. Oh and they must have wonderful hair. Blonde or black, long, healthy, perfect. And they must have that confident smile on their faces.

I'm gonna go back to my book now. My mom doesn't really approve of me reading books involving Satan and his horde of mighty men and beasts during the night. Oh well. It's not like THAT anyway. It's just a story in another story.


Bye

I'm not part of this world.
I'm not part of this world.
I'm not part of this world.
Calm down. It's ok. It's just the beginning.
But I feel like such a loser!
I REALLY need to sit down and think about what I definitely WANT to do in the future. Make a concrete list. Fuck the past, FUCK youth, I don't fucking need all that shit. It's gone forever. My innocence has been flushed down the toilet.
I wonder how I would react if it wouldn't be about the money?
I'm at the beginning of everything. "It's a repeat and it's getting old."
READ READ READ. FUCKING READ. Less than a month left. You HAVE to be one of the best. So be prepared.
I pretty much hate that guy. I'm somehow jealous but at the same time I wouldn't want to work in this branch. So why am I so angry? Oh, money. Right.

Mike Patton movie.