Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Caffeine in my brain


I got a bit scared the day before yesterday when I realized an idiotic thing. It's funny how we can never know everything about ourselves and our reactions to certain things. I was talking to a friend about a party he went to and about the fact that his friends started doing cocaine at some point. And he was like "I would never do drugs.". And I didn't say anything because I thought that if I would've been there, I would have wanted to try them. !!!! What the hell? The sad part is that those thoughts came into my head automatically. I wasn't thinking too much about what I would do. I just imagined everything and it seemed pretty realistic. Thank God I'm not a rockstar. I would've been dead by now if I were. Maybe it's just a phase? I've been acting pretty crazy lately. I started smoking in front of my parents. But that just gives me the feeling of being very sick. Mentally.
Again, I have no idea what I want. We'll see tonight, when all hell will break loose. Fuck fuck fuck fuck! I'm happy for a reason and stressed for another. Actually it's all fucked up. So typicall. And it's so funny that all these stupid things happen because of me! It's always MY fault! And even when I know I should stop, I don't want to! Because at that point I'm feeling good and that's always nice. But I'm not alone on this planet, I affect other people too. Ok, in the other case I hope I won't be the one too affected. But it's still my fault. I miss Mihnea. Though that was another complicated story. All the special people I've met in my life fucked me up. I'm not completely crazy yet. So, freaks (I mean that in a nice way, of course. Normal is fucking boring when you're young), feel free to mess up my brain and we'll have lots of fun together.

Another post will follow soon with a recap of the year 2009.

xoxo

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