Shhhhh....I thought I heard something...

Searching for traditional ballads and feeling a bit confused. I can't really talk to anyone about it. Wait. Let me rephrase that. I don't WANT to talk to anyone about it. Fact. Because if I do, I'll be more convinced that I'm wrong. Or maybe not. But I'm sick of taking risks. I'm not the only one, but is it a disease? Is it a mental illness? Can I control it? Will it control me in time? I'm losing my personality in these situations, I'm scared, I'm sick of it, I don't want to react to them anymore. Who understands or BELIEVES a woman anyway? We're weak, "crazy", hysterical, complicated. None of us even has the right to call themselves "normal". But what the fuck IS normal? Please, take your head out of your anus and take a look at yourself. You're just a distorted projection of everything you call crazy. I'm not really addressing this to a specific person, but to lots of people... who just make insecure people feel suicidal. No, don't worry, I don't intend to kill myself even though I'm mostly depressed and I don't really see a future for myself. Is this another weird phase again? Have I ever had something like this? Probably all the time. And it was always because of someone. I don't want to fight anymore, but it's risky to completely give up. What will happen to me? I need my friends. I need my family. I hate being a woman, I hate the way I look, maybe I found the cure.....
He's nice and does things for me, you know...and that's what makes everything so hard. I'm the parasite...the fucking leech that won't go away and I'm too ashamed to go see a therapist.

1000 little kittens. And the guy who just came in had a little Yoda toy on his shoulder.

5 days left and I'll be celebrating the 1st year of the longest romantic relationship I have ever had in my life. Cool, huh? I never thought it would happen like this. But then again, it would be sad and boring if everything always happened the way we expected it. I learned a lot this past year. Mostly about myself. This year I took some major steps and in a few days I'll take a new one. We're moving in together. I don't like the idea of "oh, you'll see if it works out" that everyone tries to plant into your head. I am positive about it. It's never easy. No matter who you are. It's a situation in which 2 totally different people are involved. It can never run smoothly for an infinite amount of time. But who says it can't be fun?

Toodles.

2010 blog entry fail -_-

I've been trying to write an entry on 2010 for days now and I don't really think I'll be able to do that... It's a lot harder than last year and 2 years ago. Well, let's just hope I'll post it some time this year. La multi ani!

Beautiful Things....

Oh GOD, when was this? When? 2006? Is it ok, is it normal to hear a random song that you used to listen to years ago or I don't know and then to burst into tears? I mean, why is it like this? It's not a happy song. But it's an optimistic one. No matter how happy the song is, the moment I realize it's part of my past, my heart breaks. And I feel so horrible, I want it to stop.... it's as if the past isn't part of me anymore...I'm only a mere person standing aside and watching everything happen. It scares me. Why? I really need answers to this one. It's been bothering me my whole life but everyone I talk to about it (mostly in a "ha-ha I've heard this song today and I bursted into tears and fell to the floor...everyone has that, right? hahahha" kind of way) doesn't seem to understand me. Imma go eat my tortellinis now.

Bubbles..............(no relevance between the title and the entry)

I honestly feel like the most shallow person on the planet. Sorry. I just read a blog entry that a good friend of mine posted last month and I don't know... Even though she's much smarter, better organized, a thousand times more hard working than me, I could never let myself envy her. I admire her so much and for some reason it hurts me a lot when I hear about bad things that are happening in her life. And when something good happens I feel such an extreme happiness and I....I wish her the best in life. We're not as close as we used to be anymore but I still love her and if she'd ever need my help I'd be there for her. From time to time I remember how much I miss her. But then I ask myself... do I miss "her" or just the old times? I don't really care about that. I just want to know that she exists and that there's always a chance that we'll meet up and hang out like old grandmas and talk about our relationships, future plans and immortal memories.



LOL the cleaning lady just came here and she's always telling me to take care of my vajaja because "abstinence would suck for both of you!". She's awesome. And she's 52 years old.

crazy SHIT! --- I really don't know what to do with this blog anymore...

Duuuuuuuude I soooooo want to type something on this site but I have no inspiration. And I desperately need to pee right now but I SHOULDN'T. Long story, personal stuff, can't explain.

FINE let's talk about...INCEPTION! Nah, don't want to talk about that movie. Yes, it was amazing and I'll definitely see it again when I'm in Romania and yes, I'm one of those people who think that Cobb was dreaming the whole time. YOU WON'T CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE...so....TITS OR GTFO!

Rise Against is really a cool band. I would like to see my cousin and his daughter. I'm still shocked. I NEEEEEEEED a life right now. What is this strange SATANIC music? Let me check. Oh it's that intro song by xAFBx. CRAZY SHIT! :))))

The Beatles music sounds great at the moment. There's a "Straßenfest" going on outside. Looks cool. Too bad I'm ALL ALONE and rotting in my personal little hell for that.

Calm down, Ioana. You'll see him on Monday. You'll make it 'till then. *shock* What if I don't?! :O

AAAAAAAAA I have so much stuff to do! And no, I'm not talking about cleaning up and doing dishes and buying some stuff for my parents and myself....I have to do some "super important official" stuff :( I hate that SO effin much. Random noise what was that?!

Damn, I missed it because I'm listening to music while lying in bed. My neighbour had sex today. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW gross. I mean I know I shouldn't even DARE to complain but I still find it gross. As long as I'M doing it, it's ok. OMG the guy is still at her place. So there's a possibility that they might have sex again pretty soon. Thank God they're not like us..... I'd hang myself otherwise. I want a kitty

Damn, I love him so much.

WHAAAAAA?

So...the season of the fall begins...

LOL

not

Yeah so I haven't written in English for a while now...I know my reasons, even if they're idiotic. He's probably NOT reading this stuff but YOU NEVER KNOW.

I don't really feel like posting anything today, it's just that my last post annoys me. It makes me feel sick but I don't really want to delete it so the only solution would be to post as many entries until I can't see it anymore. 3 more days and I'll be exam free! I fucking ADORE the song I'm listening to. Even if it's sad. I'm going to listen to it again. It makes me type like a drunk duck. Fuck even.

CArriooooooooooooooooooonn xDDD

Right. So the thing is that everything in my life is pretty constant. Nothing major is happening. I got a good grade today. That's always a surprise :D

But life is good. I have nothing to complain about. Well I'm kind of BROKE and feeling pressured because of that but at least I'm healthy and loved. That doesn't stop me from buying cigarettes though. HAR HAR STFU. Ok, ok, I didn't buy any today = WIN!

In a moment I've looooost / Taken from the insiiiiideee

ROMANIAAAAAAA I'm cummming inside your vajaja in 2 weeks!

=) Just kidding. But I am coming to see your scarred but pretty face. I missed ya :*

So. Za question iz. For how long can you be in love with someone if you see them very often? Doesn't it start driving you crazy after a few months? I mean the feeling that you're rotting inside. =)))) Ok, that's not the feeling you get but you know what I mean, bro!

The loooooooooooooooooong 18th century in English Literature *love*. Just joking. I fucking HATE IT! Nah, not really. I don't even know what it's about yet. But tomorrow I'll be like a pro. HELL YEAH!

AAAAANGEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! (it's just a song I'm listening to)

Alright, honeys, I'll go to bed now.

And remember kids, teh SEXUAL INTERCOURSE IS EVIL! Abstinence is the solution to all of your problems. HAHHAHAHHAHHAHA

NOT :| *EXTREMELY serious face*

Fosta lui prietena.

Hmm. Oare sunt singura care are o problema cu fosta prietena a actualului iubit? Nu cred. Chiar si daca nu o cunosti, numai ideea ca exista si ca probabil il cunoaste mult mai bine pe el decat tine pentru ca au fost mai mult impreuna te scoate din sarite. Afli ca relatia lor nu a fost grozava, se certau tot timpul, sexul cam lipsea si era destul de plictisitor si totusi, au fost impreuna atata timp. Da, nu poti sa te gandesti ca ah, da, cu mine e mult mai bine, are tot ce i-a lipsit pana acum. Sigur erau anumite lucruri pe care el le iubea la ea si din cauza lor trecea peste toate celelalte parti negative.
Bun. Sa zicem ca pe el nu il mai intereseaza problema. Ea i-a dat papucii pentru ca este o jegoasa egoista, emo neinteles (pleonasm, ma scuzati) sau mai simplu, o fata simpla de la tara, care la orice schimbare in viata ei nu mai stie ce sa faca. El a suferit mult timp pentru ca isi imagina ca ea va fi cea cu care isi va petrece restul zilelor, cea cu care va intemeia o familie. O contacteaza, ea nu mai raspunde. I-a spus ca nu il mai iubeste. El inca mai spera. Pe urma te cunoaste pe tine. Si esti un vis. Esti tot ce nu e ea. Bine, in timp descopera si defectele tale, dar toate lucrurile acestea marunte, atata timp cat nu sunt dominante, sunt oarecum necesare pentru a face o relatie mai interesanta. El spune ca nu o mai iubeste. Se poate. Desi nu stiu de ce imi vine atat de greu sa cred ca nu mai are niciun fel de sentiment fata de ea. Macar fata de ce au avut, habar n-am. Trebuie sa mai fie ceva! Si nu, nu ma refer la ura. In fine. Tu il crezi, iti vezi de treaba, totul e frumos. Afli ca ea l-a sunat. Panica. Ea vrea sa stea de vorba, el nu. E bine. Ii trimite un mail. Il citesti (pentru ca el te-a intrebat daca vrei, nu pt ca esti o femeie nebuna care ii stie parolele si ii verifica mailurile, facebook si mai stiu eu ce) si ti se face rau pentru ca se pare ca ea dupa 1001358u0139581 de ani de cand i-a zis "Baiete, m-am mutat la oras, am cunoscut multi oameni, simt ca ma sufoc cu tine, pa." incepe sa realizeze ca ii e dor de el. Probabil ca a trecut printr-un moment nasol de curand si se gandeste des la momentele frumoase din ultimii 4-5 ani petrecuti cu el. Spera ca el sa iasa cu ea la o cafea. "Imi lipsesti." El spune:"O sa-i dau datele contului meu ca sa imi trimita banii pe care mi-i datoreaza." (...) "Daca as mai fi indragostit de ea, mi-as face sperante acum."

Da, cred si eu. Dar din cauza asta o urasc cu adevarat. Urasc cand oamenii fac chestii din astea. Ai fost o gramada de ani cu cineva si nu a mers, e CLAR ca nu o sa mearga niciodata. Dar incerci si incerci si incerci si te chinui ingrozitor de mult si suferi. Si ea tot o sa te calce in picioare. Crezi ca s-a schimbat acum pentru ca dintr-o data s.a transformat intr-o fata de oras? Nu, tot e o vaca ignoranta cu probleme sociale. Desi poate ca nu ar trebui sa-mi fac niciun fel de griji, ea tot reprezinta un pericol pentru mine. Femeile sunt ingrozitoare. Sunt monstri. Dar intr-o astfel de situatie nu as face ce face ea.

Vreau sa zac pe plaja intr-o zi placuta de August......:/

Hmmm...din nou am senzatia ca nu am cui sa ma destainui. Nu am cui sa cer sfaturi.... Persoanele cu care vreau sa vorbesc nu sunt disponibile si simt ca innebunesc pentru ca am nevoie de suport moral! Nu pot de una singura....devine obositor si pfff...nu stiu. Ma simt trista azi. Mai ales incepand cu ora 3 PM. Nu stiu cum o sa reusesc. Imi vine sa vars. La figurat, desigur =)). De ce esti asa presata? Mmmhhh poate pt ca pentru mine totul e mult mai complicat si o sa mor pe scaunul asta, vreau acasa. Inca 40 de minute. AAAAAAAAAA :((((((((
Sunt plina de ganduri din alea MEGA emo =))))). Bine, las-o asa. Have fun de 1 Mai <3 :)

Dressed to kill, you look so right; I am drunk with lust tonight.

Pfff...m-am mai simtit vreodata asa? Habar n-am... poate ca pauza asta o sa fie buna? Sper sa nu se schimbe nimic pt el. :D
Ah si ascult numai muzica emo in ultima vreme. Dar e asa placut pt ca am din nou senzatia ca am 18 ani. Si e asa...a never ending youth. Ce dulce eee. Multumesc :)